Chameleon
by NightOwlHoot
Summary: Trying to figure out a resolution to this story. Busy, so going slowly, but Annie will return to Ryan in the end.
1. Chapter 1

This is my very first time writing on FanFiction! I like McQuaid's character and the banter he shares with Annie.

"Chameleon"

Post Paris/Embassy Debacle (Episode 6 of Season 5 of Covert Affairs)

Annie awakens on McQuaid's couch after a couple of hours of sleep. She sees McQuaid is on the terrace with a newspaper and espresso. Annie says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to doze off like that. McQuaid gets up, "It's not the first time, seems I bore you so much you need to snooze to avoid me." As McQuaid walks closer to the couch, Annie says, "You're anything but boring Ryan, don't take it personally"

As he reaches Annie, he says "Sweep team cleaned out your hotel and brought your things here."

"What? The CIA knows I'm here?" says Annie.

"Well, you had to go somewhere safe after nearly getting dragged to a Russian prison to be only God knows what. No one knows who Ivan told about you and whether the Russians would start to hunt you down after realizing Ivan was missing or not," says McQuaid

Thinking that she really needed a shower and clean clothes starts getting up and is still a little wobbly, steadies herself on the couch. "Um, can I take a shower?"

McQuaid, looking at her concerned says, "Sure, be my guest, but maybe after sleeping it off a bit more, you were asleep for less than two hours and after the night you had…"

Annie cuts him off by saying, "Give a girl who was forced to down GHB and knocked around a break will you? Besides, remember, I don't need looking after." She walks towards the bathroom with her bag.

McQuaid speaking to her back, "While you were asleep, you murmured the name Simon a few times."

Annie stops on the way to the bathroom thinking and then touching her right hand to her chest where she was shot and thinks about to her time in Paris with Simon. She murmurs, "Must be Paris" with a longing smile.

"What was that?" asks McQuaid.

Annie responds without turning around, "Nothing, just someone I once spent time with in Paris."

"A lucky someone to have spent time in Paris with you," says McQuaid.

Annie ignores that last remark and walks into the bathroom. She shuts the door behind her, then leans her back to it as tears well up in her eyes at the memory of Simon. She hadn't thought of him in many months and being told she was dreaming about Simon and calling out his name gave her a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. More thoughts and images of Simon flood to her brain, she was bombarded with memories of him, of the short yet memorable times they spent together in Morocco, Paris and Cuba. She never really had a chance to mourn him or say good-bye. Everything in her life since she started working for Lena was on fast forward, a complete race from crisis to crisis, then there was Auggie for a brief period, she felt she was running on empty sometimes, but couldn't get off the roller coaster. There were good reasons she didn't ever stop to think about Simon and their connection. Now she was bombarded by memories and images. She just wanted it to stop.

Stirred out of her thoughts by her phone ringing Annie picks up and hears a concerned Auggie asking her if she is okay and why she didn't answer her phone for the last few hours. Annie assures him she is fine, just needed to sleep off the GHB. Auggie makes a smart remark about Annie sleeping it off in the company of McQuaid, then goes on to inform Annie that new intel demands that she return to DC for briefings ASAP. While they talk, Annie turns on the shower. Not missing a beat, Auggie hears the shower turn on. Before they hang up, Annie senses that Auggie wants more information. He says, "Annie, remember, I'm more than your handler."

Annie says, "It's a long story, and just FYI, nothing untoward happened. I might have been drugged up, but McQuaid was a perfect gentleman. I'll fill you in over beers, meanwhile you can get the official version in my report. I'll write it up while enroute to DC." He puts her on a plane leaving De Gaulle in two hours. Annie hangs up and goes back to her task at hand, to shower and get the heck out of McQuaid's apartment.

Familiar with needing to work fast and motivated by the need to catch a plane and be alone, Annie showers quickly though her body is stiff and sore from being dragged and knocked around by Ivan. She notices bruises beginning to form on both her kneecaps and notices that a chuck of hair is missing from her head. Annie looks through her bag for fresh clothes. She puts on black jeans, a cream sleeveless top and finds her key from Simon inside the lining of her bag. She puts it around her neck. She takes a hair dryer to her still damp jacket.

As she dries her jacket, she can't shake the feeling that last night's very close call meant her luck was running low. Maybe her instincts were no longer sharp because she felt so overly confident and focused on her mission that perhaps she couldn't see clearly. She missed or simply overlooked Ivan's suspicions of her, she took a huge gamble last night. Had she sensed that he was in the least wary of her, she would have left the Embassy before he took her to the private office. Auggie was right, there is always another way, but she had worked alone for so long and only relied on herself. At the time risking everything by maintaining the cover as a gun sales rep and going to the Russian Embassy as Ivan's guest seemed to be the best option to finding out his connection to the Chicago bombing. But what if, what McQuaid said was true? If Annie were honest with herself, McQuaid was right, she would be on her way to a Russian prison to be tortured if it hadn't been for him or she could be dead at Ivan's hands. She hated that she had to depend on someone else and that she had to be indebted to someone like McQuaid. She pushes these thoughts aside and opens the bathroom door.

Unknown to Annie, while she was in the bathroom, McQuaid receives a call from his headquarters. Arthur Campbell just landed another contract from the CIA. His wife, Joan Campbell requested that Arthur work with them on following the Ivan Kravec trail. McQuaid himself plans on joining in on the initial review of information and strategy session followed by the interrogation of Kravec. McQuaid was satisfied that his confidence in Arthur had panned out in more ways than one, but he was mostly feeling good about the possibility that he would continue to work in close proximity to Annie. This feeling seemed to keep a grin on his face.

McQuaid is sitting at the table with breakfast laid out as Annie exits the bathroom and says, "I need to go back to Washington."

"So do I, hitch a ride on my plane"

Annie smiles, "Thanks, but you've done enough for me. I have tickets already and less than two hours before my plane leaves."

"Aw, come on, don't take a commercial coach flight, you'll be miserable and it will take you a lot longer to make it to DC. My plane is ready, has leather seats that recline, you can keep sleeping off the GHB or we can continue talking about this Simon in your dreams"

Annie is immediately weary and bothered that Simon kept coming up. "That doesn't tempt me at all, I am looking forward to spending time alone."

"Like this apartment, the plane is plenty big, you can have all the space you need, you don't even have to talk to me unless you want to."

Annie grabs her bag, "No thanks, goodbye McQuaid, and thank you again for helping a girl out last night."

"All right, suit yourself, but you do need to eat and all this food will go to waste if you don't have some."

"That I won't say no to, I'm starving actually, should only take me 30 min to get to De Gaulle at this time"

"Great! Champagne or a mimosa?" asks McQuaid.

Annie laughs, "Didn't we just kick back some beers less than 4 hours ago? None for me, thanks, I think drinking post being drugged wasn't a good combo, I'll just take some coffee and juice."

McQuaid looks concerned, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Annie responds, "If you keep asking, I'm taking the food to go."

McQuaid stands up and says he to start eating without him, he goes off to make some a phone call

Annie is happy to be alone, waves him off as she takes a bite of a flaky croissant.

In the other room, McQuaid makes a call to Joan Campbell requesting that Annie fly back on his plane. He makes the argument that they can begin their debrief and strategy session much more quickly if she accompanies him, plus it is also cost effective since the agency wouldn't have to spend money on a last minute commercial flight from Paris to DC. It doesn't take much convincing. Joan, very astute senses when talking with McQuaid that he cared more about being with Annie than efficiency or cost savings. There was definitely a connection there and Joan intended on keeping that on the back burner. McQuaid, just loves getting his way and "winning" and smirks all the way back to the table.

Annie's phone rings as McQuaid is walking back to the breakfast table.

Annie looks up and says, "Excuse me, I have to take this call", and walks out to the balcony. It was Auggie again. He explains the change in plans and that she is to hitch a ride with the McQuaid Security company jet home. Auggie senses that something is up as he hears Annie's exasperated sigh and says, "What's the matter Annie?"

She responds, "It's nothing, I'm just feeling the effects of being drugged, dragged, and pummeled through the streets of Paris. I was looking forward to resting up and being alone during the eight hour flight back to DC, instead I have to shoot the breeze with Mr. Chatty."

Auggie being the consummate handlers says, "Well, don't forget that we still don't have intel on what he discussed with Borz. This change of transport is a good thing, use it as an opportunity. Use the time to get to him. Looks like you already have an in with the guy, because what guy wouldn't want an in with you?" Auggie chuckles.

Annie, knowing full well she is lying to Auggie because she is keeping McQuaid's secret. At that moment she makes a decision to keep McQuaid's search for the mole in his company a secret. A decision that she feels terrible about, but knows must be done. Afterall, McQuaid kept her secret about her heart condition.

She responds to Auggie "Work's never done is it? See you at the office." Annie hangs up and walks back to the table thinking the CIA is always going to want her to blur the lines between personal and business. Here's another familiar road to go down of keeping secrets and only giving half the information if any at all. The worst part was keeping something from Auggie. She hadn't forgotten what he said about how put the mission above him the last time they were in Paris. But he didn't understand that the missions were all she had now.

McQuaid while at the balcony table waiting for Annie to return from her call, thinks to himself, she really doesn't accept any care or concern. Was she always like this? Was it a wall she developed because of work going dark or personal circumstances? She reminded him a lot of himself when he was younger and in the Navy, but he matured and learned to work with others and rely on others. Then again, him relying on others brought about a mole in his own company. He wondered why she was so wary of others and relying on others for help. What were her intimacy issues about, he loved the challenge she presented and he really liked her, he found her interesting and his thoughts turned to her during the few free moments he had.

Annie arrives and sits back down.

"Don't think I'm that naïve. The call you made was to my boss wasn't it?"

McQuaid is smiling, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Annie laughs as a distraction, then with lightening speed snatches McQuaid's phone and runs inside to the bedroom, McQuaid with a 'no you just didn't do that' look and laughter catches up from behind and grabs her as she looks through his recent calls. Just as Annie sees a call to Joan's direct line, she winces in pain where McQuaid bear-hugged and tackled her from behind and landed them on the bed.

McQuaid, while he enjoyed having gotten Annie on the bed with him, quickly gets up and off Annie, "I'm sorry! Look, you're not okay, that bastard Ivan must have hurt you badly before I got to you. Show me where it hurts."

Annie is now furious and up from the bed, she looks indignant, throws McQuaid's phone at him says, "Don't know what I'm talking about my ass. You don't get to manipulate and lie to me. I'm done eating. Let's go then, you win.

McQuaid says, "Look, I'm sorry. Yes, I made a call. There's just no getting through your stubbornness. I wanted to be efficient and get us all to DC quickly and yes, I wanted your company. Look, you hardly ate, I'll have it packed up for our flight. But seriously, let me look at your injuries. I do have field medic training."

Yeah, I saw your work in Venezuela and where it got Borz. No thanks.

Annie gets her bag and purse with a little difficulty. McQuaid tries to take her bag and she holds up her hand to him. I'll wait for you outside.

Once McQuaid collects his things, they ride the entire 30 minutes to the airport in silence.

Once on the luxury plane, Annie picks a corner and drops her things on the seat next to her as if to signal, "don't sit near me". McQuaid gets the silent message and puts his things down diagonally across from her.

Annie goes to the galley and looks for ice and way to bag it. Her knees from where she hit the cobblestone ground are feeling swollen and she thought she might have injured a rib or two. Ice would help bring the swelling down. After Annie gets settled she begins to work on her report on her MacBook Air as they take off.

McQuaid is checking his emails and wondering how Annie will react when she finds out that they will be working together. He realized it was wrong of him to go behind her back to get her on this plane with him, he can't keep lying or working things behind the scenes to get to be around her because it would just backfire on him. He realized he needed to be honest and direct. He decides to tell her what's in store once they reach Langley.

McQuaid gets up, walks to Annie's seat where she is icing her knees and ribs while working on her reports. He looks at her, beautiful though tired and all he wants is to take care of her. "Look, I'm waving a white flag here, I'm sorry that I called Joan, but we have an eight hour flight and I would like to spend some of it in your company."

Annie without looking up and continuing to type says, "I'm busy writing my report"

Will you at least let me look at your injuries? Do you need any aspirin?

Annie looking up and straight into McQ's eyes.

Will it mean you leave me alone of the rest of the flight?

McQuaid nods in agreement

Annie takes off her jacket and scarf slowly and with her teeth gritting lifts up her shirt to her bra line revealing bruising.

McQuaid looks at her and asks for permission, "I'm just going to feel around here."

Annie nods.

McQuaid kneels down beside Annie. Then he puts his hands on her icy ribs as she pulls back a bit gritting her teeth. Looks like nothing is broken, probably just some surface muscle bruising. Does it hurt to breath? While he examines her, McQuaid really feels terrible for not having a better plan last night. He wonders how the beating might have affected her heart condition.

Annie hasn't answered yet, so he asks again, "Does it hurt to breath?"

Annie says, "No."

Knowing she's lying McQuaid looks into her eyes and says, "Most men would be laid out on the couch in the fetal position with this type of injury."

"I'm not most men."

"I'll be back, keep your shirt up" says McQuaid with a wink.

McQuaid returns with a first aid kit. He applies some icy hot and begins to wrap Annie's torso. He reclines her seat back and hands her a blanket. Then says, "Keep the ice on it and take these," handing her some painkillers.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Come on, it has to be painful, I've had this type of injury before."

"Well, it doesn't make you less of a man because you popped some pills. I'm fine without them."

McQuaid sighs and says, "You know you're too stubborn for your own good."

"I told you I don't need you to look after me and after the moves you pulled, I'm back to having my guard up"

McQuaid, looking hurt, smirks and says, "Well, remember what I said, eventually you're going to have to trust someone. Look, I didn't tell you everything, when we get back to Washington, we're going to the same meeting at Langley. We ARE going to be working together and given our history, I think we're going to kick some serious butt together, but I need you to start talking to me because like it or not, you're stuck with me for the next mission and I do want you to trust me."

Annie is surprised, "I work better alone. I'll talk to Joan as soon as we land."

"Walker, don't bother, Joan gave Arthur or basically McQuaid Securities the contract to handle the Kravec interrogation and to dig deep, come up with a strategy for next steps."

Annie realizes she can't win this one. McQuaid hands her the pills.

Annie says, "It's not that I won't, but I can't." Annie taps her heart to signify that pain pills don't mix with her heart condition and heart medication.

"I see. Okay, how about some tea then?"

Annie says, "I have to finish my reports."

"How about I bring some by with food in 30 minutes since we never finished eating breakfast."

Annie knowing there's no use to refusing says, "Sure."

Thirty minutes later (AW actually finished and sent her report 20 minutes ago, she was sitting back and trying to rest while thoughts of last night, Paris with Auggie, Paris with Simon, and the Russian Embassy drifted in and out of her thoughts, and when she thought of Simon tears began to form)

McQuaid approaches with a tray of tea, tea sandwiches, fruit, scones and cookies. "May I?"

Annie looks up, "I thought you were kidding about the tea"

McQuaid notices her watery eyes, he was if anything, observant. Being a Navy Seal taught him to look out for anything and everything and assess the situation. "My mom is Irish so she takes tea very seriously. Would always make me tea when I wasn't feeling well or when I was upset. Me, I like espresso too, but tea always reminds me of home and as mom would say, "a spot of tea makes everything better".

Annie looks down and smiles, it was nice to hear something personal about McQuaid and his family and it made her miss her own. She was reminded of how she and Danielle would eat ice cream right out of the carton. Annie's challenging early days at the agency were made better after late night ice cream with Danielle. "Thanks for the tea."

McQuaid sits down and pours tea for both of them. He hands a cup and saucer to Annie. "So, tell me more about this fellow in your dreams, Simon."

Annie stops sipping her tea. Touches her necklace and sits back in her chair. "There's nothing to tell." She realizes that her moods are changing like a chameleon around McQuaid and she just can't stand that he gets under her skin. One minute she wants to send a jab and left hook his way, and the next, she just wants to sit and listen to him talk about his family.

McQuaid keeps pressing. . . "He was obviously in your dreams and you called out his name. Must be more than nothing. He must be important to you."

Annie grows irritated. She sees where McQuaid is going and how he is trying to get her to open up. She has done the same in the past, with Simon actually. Pushing just enough, but not too much. Annie decides to nip it in the bud and says, "Simon is dead, but you know that already don't you? I know what you're trying to do here, but teatime's over."

McQuaid looking surprised says, "I am only trying to make civilized conversation. We keep moving forward and then backward. To make it clear, since we're being honest or I'm being honest with you, what I'm trying to do is get to know you because I like you and because we're going to be working together."

Annie looking him straight in the eye and speaks harshly and with resolve. "You read a file on me already correct? When we first met you said you did recon on me. Then you already know about Simon and what happened. So, don't pull this concerned and curious, I want to get to know you act as a way to get me to open up and share what you already know."

McQuaid looks honestly hurt and shoots back at Annie with a serious tone. "I did read a file on you, but it made no mention of a Simon. If I knew, I wouldn't ask, that's not my style Walker!"

Annie looking incredulous. "I want to see that file."

"It's on my computer, if I show it to you can we start over?"

Annie puts her head in her hands for a few seconds, then looks up. "I don't know. I don't want to start anything. Simon died saving my life."

"I get it, people around you died, you lost things, you've been solo for a long time, but it doesn't mean you need to play this lone ranger scenario out forever."

Annie with watery eyes, but just floored that McQuaid thinks he has her figured out: "You don't know me at all. Do you think you can take one piece of information about me and then draw conclusions? You're a soldier, not a spy, there is no normal for people like me and I don't expect or need you to understand me. Now tea really is over."

McQuaid sighs deeply, but doesn't let Annie off the hook so easily. He doesn't take her growing wall as an end. "I didn't mean to upset you and I can see that you're upset, this Simon guy, he meant something to you. He's the reason you don't mix business with pleasure and want to go it solo all the time. I don't know what happened, and you're right, I'm a soldier not a spy, but it doesn't mean you need to push people away when they try to get close to you."

Annie, clearly looking shaken, no one had talked to her like that or called her out in a long time. Danielle was the one who did it in the past or sometimes Eyal. Since her return, she hadn't really been forthcoming with Auggie either. "What happened to the plane is plenty big for the both of us and I didn't need to talk to you unless I wanted to?"

McQuaid knows when to walk away, he had done enough pushing and he could tell she was upset, he was satisfied that he was able to get her to think a little. But says to her before he gets up and walks back to his seat. "Get some rest, we have about six more hours of flight time."

Annie finishes having a few bites and the rest of her tea alone. She shifts to get comfortable though her body aches. All she wants to do is forget about the conversation she just had with McQuaid and about Simon. But she drifts off to restless slumber.

As Annie sleeps, McQuaid sends her file via email. He hopes it helps in gaining her trust.

He also decides he is going to place tracking devices on her phone, laptop, and go bag. He wished he could track something she wore all the time. He noticed the necklace she put on, but he couldn't very well get that off of her since she wanted him nowhere near her. Being in the security business, McQuaid had all the equipment in a locker on his plane. He's not quite sure what he's doing, he'd never done anything remotely stalker-ish before and feels a bit in the wrong about watching Annie. All he knows is he has a deep need to protect her and this is how he justifies his actions to himself. He has a bad feeling about the Russians and how historically, they have memories like elephants. They weren't going to forget about Annie Walker anytime soon and he feared they would not stop hunting her since crucial assets of theirs had been killed and captured because of her. Ivan had tipped FSB off about Annie and while she didn't seem concerned, Ryan McQuaid was very worried for Annie. He makes a phone call to ask one of his trusted workers to place a couple of cameras at Annie's apartment and a tracking device on her car before their return in DC.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-Have not had much time to write, busy life. Have a ton of story lines in my head and an end to the series too. Mostly happens pre, post and during Ep 7.

Updated: Just revised/edited Chapter 2: Digging Deeper. I was too quick to post it late last night.

Chapter Two-Digging Deep

During the rest of the flight, McQuaid does some digging on Simon, he didn't have a last name, but he would soon. He wonders why Simon didn't show up in the file he had procured on Annie after she first called him. Thinking back to the first time he met Annie Walker, he smiled. The meeting itself lasted only a couple of minutes, but the impression she left lingered with him much longer after he boarded his plane.

After McQuaid had gotten the call from an operative named Annie Walker asking about Borz Altan's time at his security firm, their paths continued to cross. The convergence of Borz' involvement the Chicago bombing and McQuaid's new intel on Borz's suspected ties with the mole in his agency led him to want to meet Annie Walker in person versus field her questions over the phone and that decision altered the course of his life. McQuaid had a lot of plates spinning as the CEO of a growing private security firm, but in the days before he met Annie Walker he received some news that could potentially cause a very negative impact on his business. It was clear that someone working in his organization was leaking classified information. McQuaid was unsettled when he heard Annie ask after Borz Altan. He needed to track Borz down as well and for a different reason or were they related?

McQuaid had taken the time to reach out to his old professor Arthur Campbell because he needed someone he could trust and someone with connections and a strong network to cultivate new business and keep clients satisfied. Though controversy had surrounded Campbell, he was still highly regarded by many in the domestic and international intelligence community. McQuaid had met with Campbell in person to woo him over to the private sector, but was left disappointed that Campbell did not jump at the chance to work for him. He was hopeful because Arthur didn't say no either, he had gone home to sleep on it. McQuaid had not felt desperate before, he was used to being in control of his world, but he had lost some of that recently. He vowed to regain it by finding the person who was responsible for making a bad name for him.

McQuaid's queries into Simon were returned quickly after his pings to a few sources. Thought his inbox was full of contracts to review, daily operation and security briefs and meeting invitations, he took the time to read everything he received and tried to digest it all quickly. How did Annie manage to turn one of FSB's most dangerous operatives and get him to kill his handler? He was amazed at what she had accomplished and the intelligence she gathered as a result of her liaison with Simon Fischer. Her investigation lead to finding a mole who was deep and high up in the CIA, so she knew a thing or two about moles and the damage they could do. As he sat back and thought about it, he answered his own question. Simon like him, could not help falling in love with Annie Walker. From Annie's reactions to his probes about Simon, he gathered that she was deeply affected by her affair with him and perhaps was not over losing him. McQuaid knew he had to give her space.

Right before the plane was to descend, McQuaid went over to check on Annie and to tell her that they would be landing in DC soon. She thanked him, but said nothing else. Upon landing, they parted, but he knew he would see her again soon. They had a meeting in two hours.

When McQuaid came by to inform Annie that they were about to land, Annie was still not feeling one hundred percent, her drugging and subsequent scuffle with Ivan Kravec left her feeling weaker and more vulnerable. She was quite honestly scared. She needed to refill her prescription as soon as possible. After landing, Annie went home to quickly change, then took a detour to a pharmacy in a rundown part of DC to get a bigger supply of her nitrate meds. It wasn't cheap and it was digging into her shoe budget, but Annie wasn't too bothered. She had lived for months in flip-flops and running shoes, she didn't mind the same pairs of Leboutin pumps and Weitzman boots. Thinking about shoes reminded her of shopping with Danielle and put a smile on her face. The nostalgic moment was broken with a call from Joan Campbell saying that Ivan talked while being questioned. It will take Annie about an hour to get to the office for the debrief on Kravec's interrogation and the new intel gathered as a result.

It is decided that Annie will suss out Mueller, a new figure in the investigation into the Chicago bombing. Kravec was told to cash out Mueller's accounts and to bring him the funds on cash cards in a remote region of Azerbaijan. But due to the volatile nature of the region and the area's views on women traveling alone, Annie is ordered to have a security detail and McQuaid Security will be there to fill that role. Annie is less than thrilled and tries to do all she can to free herself from the burden of a group of guys. She always felt that to be a good operative she needed to blend in and going with three extra men of McQuaid's will only hinder her and make her stand out. But Joan and Calder won't have it any other way. Enough agents have been lost and with them so close to nailing down the Chicago bomber, they could not afford to have any missteps. Despite all Annie's protests, the decision was made. Joan and Calder wanted her to go with McQuaid's team. If Annie didn't like it, they would assign another agent to the task. With that threat, Annie was on board. There was no way someone else would run down Mueller. Annie had gone this far and risked so much, she wanted to see this case through.

As it turned out McQuaid found a way to go himself. It wasn't easy, but he trusted that Arthur Campbell and Caitlyn Cook would handle the running of McQuaid Security while he was away. McQuaid runs into Annie as he enters the office for the debrief with Joan.

"You're a bit late" greets Annie.

"I had to freshen up," replies McQuiad with a smile.

Then he lets her know he will be leading the team accompanying her to Azerbaijan. Annie rolls her eyes and says, "that won't be necessary and don't you have a company to run?" They exchange banter about how she should trust him by now and how he has backed her up not once, but twice in the field now. Annie stops and looks at him and says, she does appreciate all that he had done for her and that she does trust him in the field. This makes Ryan happy. He asks, "And off the field?" to which Annie replied evenly and without expression, "There is no off the field for me. You're behind, Joan is ready to brief you. We leave in 45 minutes."

Then all of Episode 7 happens. Once again, McQuaid has proven that Annie can trust him. He had moved quickly and skillfully to help her when she was down and nearly passed out due to her heart condition. Annie was surprised when McQuaid mentioned that he read about a new therapy for her heart condition. She had looked into it herself and it hadn't given her any hope, but hearing McQuaid was researching her condition made her feel strangely comforted. She had no one to talk to openly about her condition after she left Eyal. Even though Auggie knew, he was too busy juggling two women to have a drink with her. Truthfully their recent differences and past connection did make things awkward. Annie also wanted him to know as little as possible in the event that her illness were to come out.

After they narrowly escaped the drone strike, McQuaid approached Annie to let her know that she was nothing like Mueller, he could tell that she had taken what Mueller said to heart and needed her to know that she has the strength he didn't and he wanted to let her know she didn't have to be alone. He didn't say much more though he wanted her to know that he wanted to be the one who was there for her to share her struggles with.

Once again, the pair are on a plane back to the states, but this time was a different plane ride. It didn't feel like the Cold War on board. While they both had work to do and briefs to write, they shared a couple of moments in between. Annie is actually feeling less on guard around McQuaid.

For his part, McQuaid with the hours he had now spent with Annie, and the intel he was gathering on her through his surveillance on her has learned how to give her space, show some care, but not enough to make her feel the need to push away. He is learning how to handle her, how to read her, and how to show in small ways that he is there for her. She's stubborn, full of heartache, secrets, suspicion and hurts. He knew after Paris, she was not feeling well. He had someone watching her and reporting any significant details to him. He knew she had gone to a terrible neighborhood in DC to refill her prescriptions. He had done a lot of reading on her condition-Myocarditis- and he knew that if she had an episode she would need her medications immediately to reduce the chest pain and help her heart pump allowing her to breathe again. With the information, he meant to keep an extra eye on her while they were in Azerbaijan, but he was also a man with laser focus on his mission at hand. McQuaid was concentrating on the terrain and looking out for anything out of the ordinary when he had forgotten about Annie's condition. It was easy to do, she never let on that she was tired or winded. She was tough and acted tough. He feared it would probably be her downfall.

McQuaid was angry with himself that he was not right there when Annie took down the scout and fought him. He was for sure impressed by her hand-to-hand combat skills despite her condition. In Maracaibo she took down Borz and in Paris, she fought off Ivan as hard as she could while her hands were tied. Hell, she might even be able to take him down. Well, maybe if he gave her the advantage by using his left hand. But he kept thinking that if he had been right there, she might have been spared the triggering of her condition. McQuaid knew that she was lucky he was nearby, but feared that she might not be so lucky next time she had an episode. Ryan knew it was a matter of time before Annie would succumb to her condition when he could not be around to help her. What would happen then? He knew what being in the field meant to her, it was her life, the only life she appeared to have at the moment. And he understood her drive to be an operative and to be in the throes of the action, because he was the same. While he felt strongly that CIA had no business knowing about her condition, he had a plan brewing to allow her to continue to work in the field, but with the support she needed and without the judgment of the bureaucracy that the CIA had become.

On the other end of the plane, Annie felt there was more to the mission. She could not shake the feeling that things were not over though Mueller had been taken out. She thought a lot about what Mueller said to her those tense minutes on the mountain. Even though Ryan told her she wasn't anything like him, she couldn't help, but think that deep down they weren't all that different. She did have a lot of blood on her hands including now Mueller's. He was just a broken soul, much like her. He went down a dark path, but did he deserve for his country to blow him up? What was it that he did toward the end? Instead of running off the mountain when he heard the reaper, he cut her restraints. He could have left her and Ryan on the mountainside to be killed by the very drone she had a part in ordering, but he didn't. Why not? She kept replaying what had happened until Ryan walked toward her to say that they were almost home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Points of View **

Annie and McQuaid's musings on the 14 hour plane ride enroute from Azerbaijan to DC.

Annie was unnerved by McQuaid's obvious interest in her and his attempts to get to know her. On one hand, it was a welcome change to have someone in her life who knew the truth about her condition and didn't think less of her. Someone she didn't have to keep the truth from. On the other hand, she had forgotten how to be vulnerable and honest out of necessity. In her line of work, being vulnerable and honest meant letting your guard down and doing so really was the difference between life and death. Or hurt and seriously hurt.

McQuaid understood her drive and desire to do the best she could for the sake of her missions because he was just as driven as Annie if not more. He had more than his life's work at stake, he had about a thousand employees and hundreds of clients who relied on him for their livelihood and safety. Like Annie, the source of his wiring was his patriotism and his desire to serve his great country. And so, he approached caring for his company like family and that is why he needed to find the mole in his midst or else everything he spent the last decade working on would go down in flames. Ryan, in some ways understood Annie and her lone wolf tendencies. He had given up relationships and intimacy for his work too.

Not having any ties made his life simpler so he could concentrate on growing his company. Working long and unconventional hours, having to explain his absences to girlfriends, being caught in lies and never being able to tell the truth to vindicate himself made him give up on having any meaningful or long term relationships. Instead, he went from short-term flings to short-term flings. He did enjoy his freedom, but some days, it would have been nice to go home to someone. He sometimes longed to share a meal, beer, and mindless television watching with someone who understood him and put up with his devotion to his work. He hoped that one day, he could spend time off the clock with Annie.

How could she not be wired for mission at this point, it really was all she had left. After the last tumultuous year in the field and turning 34, the idea of having children or even a husband was slowly fading for Annie. She always thought she would have had kids by now. She loved her nieces and was there in the delivery room when each of them was born. Annie spent significant time with her sister and nieces during her breaks from school and teaching abroad. She loved every minute of being Aunt Annie. She was actually very skilled at diaper changing and putting the kids down to sleep. Danielle and Michael used to call her their personal Baby Whisperer. Annie always dreamed of having children and watching them grow up with their cousins, but none of that seemed to be possible now.

When she embarked on a life as a CIA operative at 28, she was doing so to help her country and to keep doing what she had been doing which was travel and hone her language skills. She had country hopped since graduate school, teaching English and doing translation work until she met Ben Mercer. After he left her heartbroken and alone in Sri Lanka, she decided it was time to grow up. Annie headed to her last home in DC to live temporarily with her sister while she looked for her first "real" job. She began looking for work as a language teacher or translator. She thought she could possibly get a job at the UN or in the Foreign Service. Upon landing home, she was approached by the CIA to test for a job there. On a whim, she went to the testing. That led to interviews and background checks. Surprisingly despite her checkered and spotty school records from numerous moves, which included some crazy rebellious shit, she was in. She was actually in at the CIA! Annie was always competitive and in the ultra high achiever environment at the Farm, she thrived. She thought working for the CIA would give her life more purpose and make her dead father, a career army man, proud. Plus, she found it invigorating, fun, and as she gained experience she enjoyed knowing she was good at her job.

The country needed her, democracy, liberty, the ideals and freedoms America was founded upon, all fueled her desire to be the best she could be. And truthfully she did love the adrenaline rush she got from the adventure and dangers of life as a covert operative. It wasn't until she was too deep into her job as an operative that she realized there were parts she didn't like such as the blurred lines between truth, trust, suspicion and mission. It's as if she was having too much fun to realize the impact on her life as a whole. After losing Simon and Auggie, she realized that choosing her career had cost her many relationships. Her sister and nieces grieved for her and still thought she was dead. Annie thought many times about contacting Danielle, she replayed her approach and what she would say over and over. She came close a few times during her time away after she killed Henry Wilcox. But as brave and decisive as she was in the field, when it came to this point, she wavered. She didn't want to hurt her family again. How could she could return to them and face the questions, the anger, the shock, the pain, and the possibility that she could put them in danger? What if she did it to them again? By it, she meant, what if she died again? Each time, Annie ultimately decided against contacting her family. The girls were also too young to understand and could not be told that she worked for the CIA. And if she played out what it would mean, there honestly wasn't time in her life right now to spend with them. She'd have to take another leave to reacquaint herself with her family and after being gone off the grid for four months, she couldn't see the agency allowing her another few months to reunite with her family.

At the Farm, the training modules don't prepare covert operatives for how to handle a personal life. No one ever really knows until they are living the life of an operative, how they will handle a job that is built around lies with a life that is true and with real people who aren't keeping secrets. They say operatives who are married when they become operatives often wind up unmarried during their career as covert operatives. And the ones who are covert and single, almost never get married unless they find a saint who can put up with all the lies and unknowns or a fellow spy who lies as well and can compartmentalize their real life with their covert one. Joan and Arthur had their share of problems, but were still together. How can one maintain a real relationship when lying is what they do for a living?

Annie had done nothing to encourage McQuaid's advances. She had given him no indication that she was also interested in him. In fact, she had made it clear over and over that she wasn't interested in mixing business and pleasure. It was a familiar path, one she had walked with Simon and Auggie and look where it got her. Of course, there was part of her attracted to Ryan. She didn't trust his intentions completely, but she had never met someone like him. He was brash and arrogant, but also charming and so handsome. Mostly Annie wanted someone who understood her devotion to her work and therefore understood her, but she pushed all those thoughts aside and went back to looking over all the files she had gathered since the beginning of the Khalid Ansari lead and the Chicago bombing. She could not shake the feeling that the CIA had missed something critical. It wasn't over yet.

When Annie parted with McQuaid at the airstrip, she wasn't sure she would see him again. They had worked surprisingly well together in Azerbaijan to track Nathan Mueller, even when there was a point where neither of them knew if they would get out of the country alive. McQuaid maintained his composure as did Annie. Annie wasn't quite impressed by McQuaid when they first met or when they worked together to track down Borz. She found him rash and a brute. He was a cowboy and they didn't always see eye-to-eye about how to move forward in the field, but her opinion was beginning to evolve. At first, she found him shifty and sensed ulterior motives, but now that she knew he had his own mole investigation, she understood his evasive actions and his need to keep secrets.

Annie thought back to when McQuaid distracted Mueller by saying he heard the drone, Annie immediately used the opportunity to strike Mueller, they didn't need to utter any words to communicate next steps, both of them simply sprung into action. She picked up Mueller's knife to cut McQuaid's ties and those of his men. While the men rendered Mueller unconscious, she gathered as much as she could of Mueller's papers, camera, laptop and notebooks. The four of them had to leave Mueller behind in order to save themselves. Annie and Ryan jumped off the drone zone camp with seconds to spare. It was yet another close call, one of hundreds, but they made it out and that counted for something. Annie made a mental note to talk to the DPD about a new protocol for drone attacks when operatives were nearby. It seemed like an easy fix. But who knew with the bureaucracy of Langley how long and how many meetings it would take to change a protocol. That's when working for a place like McQuaid Security intrigued Annie.

Annie had begun to think a little about what she would do if the CIA learned of her condition. She thought back to Eyal's words about her condition being a gift, a reason to get out, how it was really sad if her life was the field and running missions. She did take his wisdom to heart.

Annie didn't see her condition as a gift and a reason to get out because she didn't want to be backed into a corner. She wanted to decide when she was done and she wasn't yet, but could not put off making some semblance of a plan for the day when it all really was over. The first close call was after she was T-boned by the pick up truck and thought her career was over for a few hours. She walked the mall and stared at the Washington Monument wondering if sticking it out at Langley at a desk job was really what her next career step would be. She had decided that if she was going to be rendered unfit for field work and chained to a desk, she would stay at the CIA to regroup and eventually apply for jobs abroad. With all the blood on her hands, she wanted to do good in the world, to offer atonement for the bloodshed. Perhaps she could use her language skills in war torn or disaster and disease prone parts of the world, maybe the Red Cross, World Health Organization, or the UN would take her. She meant to look into those options the next time she had some free moments at home.

For now, it was time to return Auggie Anderson's eight calls. What did the man want to talk to her so badly about?


	4. Chapter 4

**None of these characters are mine, belong to USA/Covert Affairs. Just having some fun writing and imagining in spare time. Kind of an escape from real life. I have a couple more chapters written, but need to go over them this afternoon. Enjoy! And can't wait for Ep 9 tonight!**

**Chapter 4 Salt on Wounds**

After returning from Azerbaijan, Annie went straight from the airstrip to meet Auggie outside of Roger Bennett's apartment. Auggie let her know that Hayley Price somehow found out that she had a medical issue. Not only did Hayley know about Annie's cover up, she also knew specific information. Annie had little time to think about how her secret could have gotten out, she pushed the information aside to focus on Auggies's other news. There was a more pressing issue. Roger had called Auggie with information that perhaps Chicago had not been tied up neatly with Mueller's death as they all assumed. Annie already had the feeling something was amiss during her fourteen hour flight stateside, so she wanted to hear what Roger had to say.

When she and Auggie arrived at Roger Bennett's apartment she immediately noticed that he was less on edge and more coherent than he had been. Bennett was certain they US government had taken out the wrong man. That resulted in a huge pit in Annie's stomach, she had followed the trail that resulted from Ivan Kravec's interrogation. She with furrowed brow, thought for a moment, he was a seasoned FSB agent, he did give up the Mueller information rather quickly. Annie lasted nearly two weeks in a Russian prison and gave up nothing. Something definitely wasn't right as she first suspected on the plane ride home, now she was positive there was more to Mueller and more to the Chicago bombing. She had A) her gut feeling, B) Roger's intel on Kravec's past, and C) the fact that it was all too tidy. There had to be more and someone had to know more. In the spy business, secrets always get out and there's always someone willing to give up those secrets with the right encouragement.

Annie thought back to the Mueller intel. It all seemed too urgent, learning the courier was on the way and needing to be behind his heels. Was there really no time to fact check Kravec's story? It was all wrapped up too nicely. The info on Mueller's other crimes panned out, but was he really responsible for killing his own people? He did seem a bit surprised when Annie accused him of killing twelve CIA agents. He had never committed a crime back on American soil. All these questions are on Joan and Calder who ultimately made the decision to trust Kravec's intel. While Annie and McQuaid successfully identified him and caused the removal of an enemy of the state from the gameboard, finding out he might not have been responsible for the Chicago bombing was a blow. That's not on Annie. Despite her rational thoughts, she felt responsible for taking yet another life. Some heads will roll, over the droning of Mueller. Annie just didn't know that it would be likely be hers. She was being primed as the sacrificial lamb.

When Annie returned to the office she went to look at Ivan Kravec's records. What did he know and why would he give a false lead? Who was he covering for? Then she remembered Khalid's last words. He said, he was a fool and if they could do this to him. . . the people involved were skilled and powerful. . . but what motive do they have and what is their master plan?

Episode 8 happens (love the writing). Annie is transferred to a desk, continues to dig deep with Roger's promise of finding who was really behind Chicago, but comes up with nothing and gets suspended. Annie enlists McQuaid for help twice during the process of supporting Roger's sources showing they are growing closer and that some trust between them had been established.

After being back at the agency for only a couple of weeks and trying her hardest to hide her condition, Annie was angry that she was suddenly benched and without due process. As usual, she could not let go. Her empathy and her gut gave her reason to believe in Roger Bennett. He did get them the intel on the Postman. But he led her on a wild chase before succumbing to his demons. He was killed and left behind a mess for her and no actionable intel. In fact, what he left behind solidified the point of view that he was mentally ill. She figured, he had really lost it and this was the end.

When Joan brought her in to speak to her, she thought she could talk her way out of it. But looking at Joan's face, she knew it was over. She was disappointed that Joan didn't support her or trust her gut. No matter how many times she had proved herself to Joan, it always ended up this way. Joan wanted Annie to trust her, yet she was never there to have her back fully. Joan was too much a part of the bureaucracy, she didn't want to take the risk or believe in Annie. Mostly, Annie felt horrible that she had affected Auggie's esteem at the agency yet again. She was suspended, but Auggie was left to face the wrath. It pissed Annie off, but there was nothing she could do about it. Joan let her know that there would be evaluations, debriefs, and polygraphs to be taken and that she recommended Annie go into therapy to deal with the end of her career as a field operative. Annie never completed any of her evaluations after returning. She stormed out and left Joan with her mouth agape.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: You're In and You're Out, You're Hot and You're Cold**

Based on Episode 8 which I loved. The writers/producers are doing a great job and I wish the ratings were better. I think the show is highly under appreciated. I enjoy some other shows like Blacklist and Scandal. I think the writing of Covert Affairs is pretty real. I don't think McQuaid is a bad guy, but am not convinced it is Caitlyn either. Can't wait to see what the writers have done tonight!

After leaving the DPD, Annie went to her apartment, the still very sparsely furnished one that she procured hastily upon her return. It wasn't quite home to Annie. She had no true home anymore. Annie wasn't sure what her next step would be. She thought about getting on her mental to-do list of looking for other positions, but just didn't feel like it yet. Looking for something else meant she had to accept that her career as a field operative was truly over. She thought over the day and made a rash decision to go see McQuaid. In all that had transpired, he turned out to be the one that had confidence in her. He gave her the funds to acquire Roger's intel, no questions asked. He got her to the Brunswick station on a moment's notice, again, he showed up no questions asked. Was he someone she could count on to "show up" for her? Why couldn't Joan whom she had known for years, back her up like McQuaid had?

On the way over to McQuaid's, Annie's intention was to apologize and let him know his money was gone forever. She felt he deserved her gratitude. He took a huge gamble and it did not pay off for him. She could not get his money back, she didn't even have the resources to try now that she was cut off from her resources as a covert operative. When Annie tried to walk away and leave, McQuaid insisted that she stay for a drink. Annie relented and only intended on staying for one drink and a last good-bye. But one beer turned into two, then three, and finally some Patron shots.

Both were hungry two beers in and they cooked a simple meal. Her quick visit turned into a long night, the "good-bye " turned into hours of talking and laughing. It was the first time in ages, Annie let her guard down, had no thoughts of missions, reports to write, or evidence boards to look at. She wasn't running scared or pretending to be someone else. She felt completely safe and with someone who was her equal. In the early morning when McQuaid leaned in to kiss her, Annie was so tired, too tired to resist him when he leaned in toward her. She didn't think about it and let it happen.

Then they were interrupted. Who would be calling on McQuaid at 6am?

Annie sees dog walker from Roger Bennett's apartment talking to McQuaid.

Ryan returns from answering the door. Annie knows she needs to leave to strategize with Auggie and look at security cameras near Roger Bennett's apartment to get a good visual on the dog walker. Auggie can run his through facial recognition programs. But she also needs to keep Ryan unsuspecting. How quickly her outlook and feelings changed regarding McQuaid. Annie's spy craft was back on and she was afraid. What had she gotten into with Ryan? She feigns being overtired and unsure, says, "Um, I. . . that interruption was a good thing, I shouldn't be here. I came to say goodbye. I had a wonderful night, thank you, I needed it after the day I had, but I need to go."

McQuaid responds, "Why? Let's finish that coffee and get back to where we left off."

"To tell you the truth, my handler, well, former handler just called to say, I left before I filled out some paperwork. Guess I stormed out. So looks like I do have somewhere to be. Thank you for a lovely evening, it was a nice way to say so long. Goodbye Ryan."

McQuaid looks down and shakes his head. "Listen Annie, I am going to go out on a limb here and say, I don't want to say goodbye. You're not in the business anymore, seeing each other can't be violating your rules about mixing business and pleasure." And with a huge grin, McQuaid says, "It can be all pleasure now." Annie knows McQuaid likes the hunt, the challenge of trying to get her to like him. She continues hesitating and pushing back knowing it will only make him persist more.

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm sticking around McQuaid. I need to figure out where to go next. As you pointed out, I can be anywhere I want to be. I don't want to add more drama to my life."

And just as Annie expected, McQuaid says, "Tell you what, have dinner with me tonight. No drama. Just dinner."

Annie lets out a small smile and nods.

Ryan is happily beaming and says, I'll pick you up at 7 tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Smoke Screens**

**Tonight 8/19 is Episode 9, I can't wait! Worked on chapter 4-6 over the last few days because I had chunks of free time. Not sure when that will happen again, but I do have more outlines and bullet points for what is to come. Maybe will be inspired after tonight's episode. Writing it so there is a push/pull, trust/mistrust between Annie and Ryan. It will culminate in some drama before they settle down. That seems to be the end game for me now.**

Annie can't be sure that she's not being followed by one of McQuaid's men. She goes a roundabout way to make sure she is not being followed. The last thing she needed was for McQuaid to know she was going straight to Auggie's apartment.

Auggie was waiting for her. They talk through Roger's claims that there was a source deep in the Russian embassy who knew more about Kravec and the Chicago attack. It is agreed that Auggie will dig into what the sweep team found at Bennett's apartment and look at calls made from his frequently used pay phones. With Annie's eyes and Auggie's tech know-how, they find more evidence that the dog walker had been following Roger. Roger wasn't being paranoid afterall he was still-deep inside, despite all that muddled his brain- a seasoned spy. Against Auggie's wishes, Annie said she would get closer to McQuaid.

It's only 8 am when Annie leaves Auggies and heads home. With the rest of her day free until dinner with McQuaid, Annie goes home for some rest. A wall of exhaustion hit her after she left Auggie's. She was so tired from her sleepless night on the flight home and last night with Ryan. Also, She hadn't had a good night's sleep since she returned from her "sabbatical" She wakes up around 1pm and goes for a run and works out at home. During the run she thinks about how she was starting to enjoy Ryan's company, she genuinely had a great time with him until she learned that he was hiding so much from her. Again, Annie thought. Again, she was getting involved with someone who wasn't what he seemed and for the wrong reasons.

After her work out, Annie feels better and has no negative side effects from her physical exertion. She works fast to tidy up around her already neat apartment. Her apartment was simple, she wasn't sure how long she'd stay there, she signed a month-to-month lease when she returned. Annie was going to see how the hearings into her suspension would turn out, but she was sure she needed to look into other career options at some point. She just needed to figure out this McQuaid and Roger connection and see if she could find out more about Roger's contact in the Russian Embassy. Annie also sends Eyal a message through the message board they set up.

Hi Old Friend. Grounded, but still ticking. Tying up loose ends, then looking for next place to hang up my hat. Maybe take you up on your offer to sail in a couple of weeks. XXXOOO Neshema.

Then Annie does the most mundane things she had not had done in a long time, laundry and grocery shopping. Her constant travel since returning from the beach meant there was next to nothing in her refrigerator or pantry and few clean clothes left. She usually ate at work or on the road. If she needed to eat, she picked up food and had the bad habit of eating cereal for dinner.

Annie was never the cook in the family, she could manage eggs, pasta, throwing together a simple salad and reheating frozen entrees. She stocked her small fridge with milk, beer, cheese, salami, greek yogurt, probiotic drinks, bagged salad, eggs, and bought some bread, granola, coffee and peanut butter and jelly. When Annie arrives home she finds a package at her door. Once inside, Annie puts her groceries on her kitchen table and then opens the package. It contains a book, Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky and a note reading:

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Need to disappear for a while. You and Mingus can take it from here.

Annie pours over the book and hides it in her safe when she hears knocking at her door. It's McQuaid and he's 5 minutes early for their dinner date.

Annie was already beautifully dressed in a black silk sleeveless V-neck dress. She always looked elegant and simply put together. She opens her door and says, "Sorry I kept you waiting. Just putting on my make-up."

"You don't need any." McQuaid peeks in, hoping to be invited inside Annie's apartment. "Nice place you have."

Annie smiles.

"I'm ready."

At dinner Ryan toasts Annie and says, "If we're to make this work, no secrets." Annie takes the direct approach.

"Make what work? We're just having one dinner and you above all know that's not possible."

McQuaid sees she still resists his charm, he looks at Annie intently, "Excuse me?"

"I'm not naïve, there are secrets among spies even spies in the same agency. Look at Joan and Arthur, they had secrets while they were both at the CIA and now they have even more being on opposite sides of the same coin. Sure they are still together, but it came at a huge cost."

"But, you're not a spy anymore," says McQuaid with a bit of a question in his voice.

"I'm not in the field if that's what you mean, but the field will always be in me. I can't make that promise. And, come on McQuaid, you can't either. You disappoint me, I thought you were more practical that that."

"Annie, I've learned the hard way that being honest is the basis for a lasting relationship and again to be clear, I want to. . . explore that with you."

Hmm. . .Annie wonders to herself about McQuaid's past and thought to herself that he can forget about exploring anything with her in the romantic realm. He dug a hole for himself and she was going to find out what he was up to as soon as they were done with this date.

"As long as we are pretending to be honest, why did you give me the money? I'm curious. 100K, just like that and you didn't bat an eye when I said you weren't getting it back. Why?"

McQuaid sits straight and leans in across the table, "You're acting like you're still on the mission, still running it down. What's going on Walker?"

"I'm not."

McQuaid thinks to himself the dinner wasn't turning out the way he imagined. Annie isn't as carefree as she was earlier, the air between them wasn't casual and relaxed as it was the night before. He had hoped to continue where they left off because he enjoyed getting to know her, hearing her laugh and smile. He had not looked forward to seeing anyone in a long time. All day long, he worked quickly and efficiently to make all his calls, looked through emails and read mission updates while at client and internal meetings, and reviewed his budgets for ongoing missions, etc. He worked all through lunch, barely eating so he could make it to Annie's without work on his mind. But he could see now that this wasn't the date he had hoped for. Annie was after something.

Could she have found out he was the one who caused her condition to be leaked? No, she'd be angrier than she was now. She'd decked him by now.

"All right, Walker, what's going on? I know you well enough by now to know you have something to ask me. What is it?"

Annie is surprised by McQuaid's directness. The gig is up. Annie figuring she should take her own advice about how sometimes the best course of action is the obvious one, looks straight into McQuaid's eyes and says, "the man who visited you this morning. Who was he?"

Ryan looks relieved and looks down. "Is that what all this is about? Is that why you left so abruptly instead of continuing where we left off? He smiles and shakes his head. Why didn't you ask me this morning?"

"I wasn't sure what was going on. I had to get out of your house."

McQuaid's brow furrows, he didn't mean to give her reason to be afraid. "You were scared?"

"Scared, no. I can take you. Concerned, yes."

McQuaid knows she has put on her game face and he does know she could very well take him in more ways than one.

He decides to come as clean as he can and thinks to himself, she's right. He's the one being the hypocrite. He's the one with secrets. Many secrets. God, what was he doing? He needed to be honest with her if he were to ever have a real chance of being with her. But he knew she could never find out the whole truth, they would be over before they even began if she knew everything. He made a choice back in Paris and there was no turning back.

"He is one of my operatives."

"Why was he at Roger Bennet's building?"

McQuaid looks surprised. Well, she is a spy afterall. He shouldn't be surprised that she noticed him. He relents. "He was following you. Or more accurately, the 100K I loaned you."

"Why? You could have blown the operation if there had been a real one."

Annie didn't want to let on that she and found something and that she has suspected him even more. She didn't know what Roger's book meant yet.

"But there was nothing to be blown right?"

"So then, did he see where the money went?"

"No. No, your turn Walker." Just like she switched her tone with him, he switched over to the attitude he employed when they were talking shop and going head-to-head in Venezuela.

"What did you come across?" asks McQuaid.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," says Annie.

McQuaid sighs, "Guess we're right back to where we started."

"And where's that?"

"With you unsure of whether to trust me or not."

"You've given me pause and that just goes back to the start of this "date", there's no reality where people like us don't have secrets."

"What can I do to prove to you that there's no more to the dog walker?"

Annie looks at McQuaid and says with certainty, "I want to talk to him."

"Sure, I can make that happen, but under one condition."

"What's that?"

"We start over. How about afterwards, you start trusting me, that you make an effort at not keeping secrets and I'll do the same." McQuaid is lying to her, but he doesn't consider it wrong because in his heart, he justifies it by believing he is protecting her. Annie looks pensive, then responds, "If you want this relationship to have no secrets, it won't happen. I can't, I'll end up breaking that promise and you will too. I'm just keeping it real Ryan. I've been in this game long enough to know."

Annie knew she had him.

McQuaid motions to the waiter, "Check please." He pays and says, "I see, we're going to butt heads about this, I'm going out on a limb here to prove to you that I want no secrets between us." McQuaid throws down enough cash to cover their drinks. They hadn't ordered any food yet. "Let's go then."

"Where we going?"

"I'm going to give you what you want Annie because that is what a man does when he wants to make a woman happy. We're going to see the dog walker. Just let me make a call."

McQuaid steps off to make a call to the dog walker, he wants the dog walker. As he does so, he thinks that Annie is spot on about the inability to have a relationship free of secrets and lies. Her honesty and directness was refreshing, it was what had gotten him the first time they met. And here he was the one needed to keep a huge secret from her. He just hoped that he could trust Dex did a well enough job covering his tracks.

They get in McQuaid's silver Aston Martin and drive off. Annie is not quite sure if she trusts that McQuaid is really bringing her to the dog walker. She is completely on guard and holds her clutch closer to her. Her gun, ironically the gun McQuaid gave her is in the purse. She is at his mercy. At least Auggie knew she was with McQuaid. On his part, McQuaid notices Annie reach into her purse. He is sure it contains more than her phone and make-up. He's actually not offended, but impressed that she is so good at keeping herself safe. He knows she can handle herself in any situation and it makes him even more attracted to her.

They drive to the headquarters of McQuaid Security. The dog walker is there already. He shakes McQuaid's hand and while McQuaid apologizes for taking him away on his night off, the dog walker says, "No problem, Boss. How can I be of assistance."

"Let me formally introduce you to Annie Walker. She has a few questions for you."

"Nice to meet you. We met in the hallway of Roger Bennett's. You covered for him very well."

"Uh, thank you. So what were you doing there?"

"I was ordered to follow you right after you left here with the 100,000. I was tasked with following the money."

"But Roger thought he had seen you before the money came into play."

"The first time I saw Roger was when I followed you to his apartment. When you came out, I was trying to get closer to the apartment to hear what you were saying."

"Where did Roger go after I left?"

"He went to the deli downstairs to make a call, then he went back upstairs."

"About an hour later he emerged with the suitcase and he walked southbound towards the bus stop. Since he had noticed me, I could not follow on the bus, so I followed the bus in my car."

"He stayed on for a few stops and got off at Union Station. The busiest Metro station in all of DC. I couldn't park my car and get out in time to see which line he went on. I searched Union Station, but never spotted him again." The dog walker looks at McQuaid and says, "Sorry again, Boss."

Annie is thinking. "What did the suitcase look like? It was silver, the same one you left McQuaid Security with."

"What were you doing at McQuaid's home this morning?"

"Mr. McQuaid asked me to go back to Rogers to look through his apartment for any clues about where he could have gone or who he was meeting with. He wanted me to look for leads on where the 100K was delivered."

"And what did you find?"

"Nothing, another group had already gone through and removed everything by the time I got there. I waited outside until they were done and then went in to take a look myself."

"Thank you, thank you for your time."

"Look, I'm sorry about you brother Roger."

"He wasn't my real brother, but thank you anyway."

The dog walker goes to McQuaid, they say a few words before he leaves.

McQuaid walks over to a pensive Annie. "Satisfied?"

Annie isn't satisfied, there had to be more. Roger died with a different suitcase. Where did he put the money or who had he given the money to? He had to have gotten the information, he sent her a Crime and Punishment, it had to be a key to some cipher. But she chose to keep it to herself. She wanted McQuaid to think he had the upper hand and she was done questioning his actions. She would later ask for Auggie's help to look at the security cameras at Union Station and near the bus route on the way to Union Station.

Annie, "I'm sorry your betting on me didn't pay off."

McQuaid, "No, it's done. I told you before I've spent far more on far less. I chalked it up to a gamble, a bet I lost. I'm only sorry that it led to your suspension."

Annie was reminded that she didn't have a job to go to and was pending review, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight. She was going to call Auggie as soon as she freed herself from McQuaid, but she suddenly felt exhausted. Little sleep the night before was catching up with her. On McQuaid's part, he was hoping the night wasn't over yet.

They walk to McQuaid's car. He says, "Let's go resume our dinner date". Annie looks over at him and says, "Ryan, I'm exhausted, aren't you?"

"Ok, then we'll go to bed, he says with a mischievous smile."

Annie says nothing. She pretends to ignore the remark.

During the drive back to Annie's there is awkward silence.

McQuaid asks her what she's thinking.

She says, "Just thinking about Roger. How in a split second his life just ended, like it was nothing. I wonder who is mourning him, what his family must be going through. He was lucid and coherent at times, the agency dropped him the moment he showed signs of being compromised. . . Wish you could have met him." It made her think of what her family went through when she died at Calder's hands and what the agency was doing to her.

McQuaid shakes his head and says, "If I had a guy like Roger, I'd find a way to help him, my employees don't get sidelined or dropped if they don't fit the conventions. I don't abandon them the first sign of trouble. In fact, I like to hire people who are unconventional and you fit that bill. I know I've said it before, but we make a good team."

Annie, "Honestly McQuaid, you'd trust me out in the field despite knowing more details about my condition than I think the CIA knows?"

"I am up for no secrets between us. I told you back in Maracaibo that spies are underappreciated. You are a prime example. The CIA just wants to cover their asses. If you worked for me, I would worry less about covering my company's ass and more about covering yours, no pun intended. I'd make sure you have the resources to do your job safely because I know you are a talented and capable operative."

Annie looks over at him in the driver's seat. He sure knew what to say to her, the very words she wished the agency would say after all she had done to take down Lena Smith and Henry Wilcox. But she wasn't having any of it, "Boy, you're laying it on thick."

"I'm not trying to flatter you Walker. I'm just telling it like I see it. I've seen first hand how you handle yourself in the field. You have an uncanny ability to think fast and improvise. I have been impressed time and time again with what you do and how you risk everything to get the job done. We're the same in many ways, you and me, but you're a better covert operative than this Navy man will ever be. When I wanted to shoot my way out of the safe house in Caracas, you came up with that brilliant druggie ruse and it worked. You proved me wrong and I'm man enough to admit it. I haven't had a chance to tell you, but just when I think you can't amaze me more, you do it again. You have a dedication that I don't come across everyday and I've interviewed and worked with dozens of men and women in our line of work. I am sure the agency never told you this, but you are one-of-a-kind Annie Walker and if you worked for me, I'd make sure you knew it and I'd pay you accordingly."

After McQuaid returned from Azerbaijan and took care of his many tasks as CEO of McQuaid Security, he put his carefully laid out plan in motion. Ryan is often conflicted about his decision to put Annie under surveillance and tank her career with the CIA. He ordered Dex to leak to a friend at the NTCT that operative Annie Walker might have a medical condition. He wanted the agency to find out about Annie's myocarditis so that she would be sidelined. He had to be careful to do it in a way that would not lead back to him. He knew she would never forgive him if she found out he was sabotaging her career at Langley. He figured she was so intent on being in the field, he would find a way for her to do it safely. He knew her condition was perhaps worsening. She seemed to have an episode every time she exerted herself or got into a fight.

McQuaid banked on the fact that he had planted the idea of her working for him enough times that he was certain she would show up at his company to ask for a job sooner or later. He did make it clear to her that her medical issues were her business only. He would make sure she remained a field operative, but with the needed support in case she had an episode. He had fallen for her and he fell for the woman who was not only beautiful, direct, mysterious, strong and full of courage, but also incredibly talented as a covert operative. He wanted to make sure she stayed out of danger and the only way was to have her work for him. And he was satisfied with how his plan was working out. She didn't suspect that he was behind her being benched and then she got suspended all on her own.

At that moment while listening to McQuaid wax on about her talents, she wished she could ignore her gut. If she had not seen the dog walker at McQuaid's, if she didn't mistrust him, she'd lean in and kiss him right there. And it wouldn't be because he was puffing her up, it would be because someone understood her and saw who she really was. If McQuaid was genuine, she could see herself working for him and it would be her chance to remain in the field. Then on second thought, the chance to work at McQuaid Security could be her in. McQuaid really wanted her to work for him and she was out of a job and in need of resources to further explore Roger Bennet's intel and McQuaid seemed somehow involved with all of it.

"Wow, I've left you speechless," chuckles McQuaid.

"I'm just thinking. If I worked for you, we're back to no mixing business and pleasure. We wouldn't be on this date and if you kept flirting with me, you'd be in danger of sexual harassment."

"Walker, I've come to enjoy harassing you if that's how you want to view it. So, really don't care to rethink mixing business and pleasure?"

Annie replies, "Done it one too many times and because I had to for the job. It didn't get me anywhere, I have to learn from the past or else, I'm a big fool."

McQuaid, "I'm used to getting what I want, so I have to say, you can remember the past, mourn it, but also not repeat it. You're only a fool if keep the past from letting you move on."

Annie thinks about her relationships with Ben Mercer, Simon Fischer, and lastly Auggie Anderson. Each time she was hurt and left alone with nothing but painful memories. She and Auggie seemed to move past it. She wasn't angry anymore by the realization that he slept with Helen while she went dark. She understood, she left him first, but it didn't mean she wasn't hurt by it. Was she ever going to find someone and be in a normal relationship? How could she when she probably could never let that phantom person see the real Annie Walker?

Once they reach Annie's door, McQuaid says, "So, this is where our night ends. Is this really good-bye because I don't want it to be and I don't think you do either."

Annie says, "Maybe if we met under different circumstances. I have a lot to deal with now. And to be honest, it's been nearly a year since I've been with anyone . . ." before trailing off.

"Well, you're in good company, it's been a long time for me too. We can trudge through the mud together," says McQuaid. "Look you don't have to think about my offers to work for me. You've been through a lot and you do need a vacation. McQuaid Security is going to be around a long time and the job offer will stand."

When Annie does not say anything, he continues, "I've come clean about following you, will you give this—what's between us a chance?"

Annie knows she needs to get to Auggie to tell him about the new intel she found out about the dog walker and the book, but she also needs to keep McQuaid close. She decides to let him in for a bite and a drink.

"Ok, we still need to eat. I'm not much of a cook and I only have a half sized fridge here, but we'll find something to eat. Just give me a few minutes to change into something more comfortable. You can look around in the fridge if you'd like."

Annie grabs her lounge pants and tank, goes to her bathroom to call Auggie. She fills him in on what she knows and says she will call when McQuaid leaves. Auggie is worried that she is getting into dangerous territory.

While Annie is in the bathroom, McQuiad looks up at the cameras that he had Dex install for him. He has a guilty look on his face. He starts for the small fridge.

Annie comes out of her bathroom, Ryan looks up and thinks she's beautiful no matter what she's wearing. "This is pathetic Walker!" Your fridge is worse than that of a bachelor. I mean I have more food, if you can call it that, at my place than this."

"Look if you don't like it you can go find yourself another place to grub."

Annie takes out her bread and a jar of peanut butter and jelly. "If you're hungry, you can stay. If you don't like what's on the menu, you're free to go."

Of course McQuaid wants to stay. He says, he hasn't had peanut butter and jelly since his days in the Navy. They spend a couple of hours eating, drinking and talking before Annie says she needs to turn in. McQuaid knows not to push though he really wants to spend the night with Annie. He loves the smell of peanut butter and beer on her lips as he leans in and gives her a long kiss goodnight.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 : The Past Is Never Far Behind

Feel like this is rambling, tried to capture the thoughts that go through one's mind after an attraction is consummated for a person who may still be hurt by another person who is still in the picture. Next may work on an Annie/Auggie confrontation.

Episode 5.09 happens.

Annie and Auggie meet and pour over the information they have gathered. Annie doesn't completely buy the dog walker's story and this is confirmed when Auggie finds footage of him at the Brunswick Train Station. They learn the dog walker's name. Allen Langer was at the scene of Roger Bennett's death, so McQuaid was caught in some lies.

Annie comes up with a plan to resign and work for McQuaid to get closer to him, they learn about Flint and Borz' involvement with the group. McQuaid comes clean to Annie about Flint, she wants to believe him, but Auggie puts doubt in her when she shares that McQuaid came clean about Flint and knowing Borz for longer. Annie heeds Auggie's words and is distrustful of McQuaid and continues investigating based on Arthur's intel. Annie finds the bunker, teams up with Caitlyn to get out of a bind at the bunker, then reports everything to Langley where Caitlyn basically throws McQuaid under the bus. McQuaid is tipped off that multiple agencies are after him and goes to Annie's apartment for an ally, but is hurt and shocked to find a gun pointed at him. The manhunt for McQuaid begins.

McQuaid has little, but a "go bag" with a small stash of cash and no usable IDs. He has nowhere to turn and isn't sure who he can trust though his network of contacts is large. He tries to find a way out of the country, but then decides to stay and fight. Annie let him go the night before, she had to have believed he would not kill fellow Americans. After he left Annie's apartment, he spent the night at his safe house regrouping and planning his next move. He didn't want to believe it, but the only person capable of setting him up was Caitlyn Cook, his trusted friend and second in command. She was the only other person with access to all of his employee and mission files. He thinks back to how loyal Caitlyn has been to him over the years and doesn't want to accept her hand in setting him up. She reached out to him to meet, but he knows he can't go on his own. He has no choice, but to engage Annie again. His gut tells him that she will be willing to help him and like Annie's, his gut is hardly ever wrong.

All the above was from CA writers.

Episode 5.10 happens

Annie is back at her apartment after visiting Ryan in the hospital. She was still in the same clothes she wore since finding out the motorcade was the intended target. She smelled the smoke from the blast, but also lingering was Ryan's scent, clean, light, probably just aftershave, not cologne or maybe his hair product. She is thinking about Ryan and what was next for them as she prepared and took her first long bath in many weeks. She needed it to relax and she had to admit that she needed to take are of her aching body after the scuffle with the men Caitlyn sent and with Caitlyn herself.

While in the bath, Annie thinks back to the days before when she was helping McQuaid. She had finally admitted to herself that he had succeeded in worming his way into her heart. It was her gut AND her heart that trusted him. At first she thought his flirtation was all part of his game. She thought he was playing with her, trying to get in her head when they were after Borz. She sensed he was hiding something back then and he was. She had him pegged, a cocky trigger happy PMC, throwing around his money. He was completely ignorant about spy craft as evidenced by his inability to blend in.

After a couple of interactions, Annie found him growing on her. At first he was a distraction she didn't take seriously. Annie had to admit to herself that she couldn't address her feelings for McQuaid without adding Auggie to the equation. Auggie had clearly moved on. Annie wanted them to go back to having a professional relationship, but she wasn't over him completely. He didn't see her face and her eyes when she found Hayley at his apartment or when she learned that he still had feelings for Tash. It was still so easy for her to hide her true feelings from him, his blindness was a huge disadvantage on many levels. But even if Auggie weren't blind, he probably wouldn't have noticed her hurt feelings. He was too busy screwing and juggling two other women. She thought she had gotten over learning that he slept with Helen while she was pursuing Henry Wilcox, but it stung knowing that he moved past her so easily. If she were honest, she loved him as a friend and their relationship was unexpected, but she thought their relationship would be lasting when it started.

Annie and Auggie didn't start as a lie. They were good friends first. She always had him pegged as the consummate bachelor. He enjoyed serial monogamy. None of his relationships lasted very long. Was she having real feelings for McQuaid or did the circumstances cause her to fall into a pattern? Was McQuaid a convenient way to get over Auggie or did she really care for him? Annie had to admit she didn't know herself sometimes. She wasn't sure what she was feeling or doing, but she did care about McQuaid, she felt sick to her stomach when she learned he had been shot and she went straight to the hospital to be by Ryan's side. It was hard to see him hooked up to all the machines. She prayed that he would live.

For Auggie's part, he did enjoy his escapades with multiple women. He was never a cheater. He usually could only handle one girlfriend at a time until the recent developments with Hayley and Tash. He did enjoy the initial parts of exploring a relationship with a new woman. It was always fun and exciting at first before things got serious. On the surface, an observer might say he got bored easily and wasn't ready to settle down. None of the women were right and usually he'd end it before the stage where they were spending more than one night a week at each other's apartments. He often used work as an excuse to be home alone listening to jazz.

Finding an unfamiliar toothbrush in his bathroom was usually the signal to break up. The back-to-back relationships were his coping mechanism for being blind, he was never sure if the women were really into him or if they felt sorry for him. Frankly, sometimes he just needed a ride home from the bar. He used his disability to his advantage in wooing women, but he also knew it was a huge disadvantage if he were honest with himself. He tried to settle down once with Parker. She was his first serious relationship since he lost his sight, since Helen.

Auggie and Parker connected over mutual grief and loss, but he wasn't being true to himself then. In his heart he had come to care for Annie, but he wanted to keep their professional relationship and he didn't want to jeopardize their friendship. She was probably the first female friendship he cultivated. There was no reason to ruin their bond and he wasn't going to date an operative. He knew the life all too well. He was hurt when Parker ultimately refused his proposal and left him, he felt rejected and he blamed his blindness, but when he was honest with himself, he couldn't use that excuse. It wasn't his blindness that doomed their relationship. It was his job and his lies. She couldn't be with him because he had lied to her and because being the wife of a CIA operative wasn't in her plans for her life. After Parker, Auggie had continued to lie in his relationships though he didn't want to lie to Tash. He was in an angry place. Underneath his witty and friendly exterior, Auggie had a lot of deep seeded anger. It was a trait that many Special Ops soldiers had, they had trained to harness that anger and use it positively in their missions. They were good at managed risk, but sometimes the aggressions bubbled to the surface.

Helen was the last person he had a true and honest relationship with, he couldn't even say that of his brief time with Annie, he had kept things from her. Helen was the love of his life eight years ago and it took him a long time to get over her death. After their last mission, they planned on getting married and returning to DC. They talked in bed about getting a loft together, running along the Potomac, and maybe one of them would go to work for DOD, NSA or the DIA so they would have some distance with work. He had spent years blaming Teo for her death and blaming himself for being unable to save her until he found out she was the one who had agreed to go dark. She was the one who lied to him. He was so angry and hurt when he found out.

Auggie asked himself, how could Helen give up what they had? Why didn't she read him in? If he had known, he would have found ways to see her and maintain their relationship. They were both seasoned operatives, they knew how to avoid detection. Why did she need to stay dead for so long? Once the mission was over, she could have returned. He had so many questions that never got answered because then she was killed for real by Henry Wilcox. He found it hard to wrap his head and heart around what had happened to Helen. He went back to run a Special Ops team in Iraq after she died. He was serving his country, but also wanted something different more action packed than pretending and watching and being an operative reminded him too much of her. And then he happened upon the IED. Once he recovered and relearned how to see and maneuver the world around him without his sight, he returned to the Agency to become a Tech Op. He eventually got his groove back within a year. Joan and Arthur had taken him under their wings.

When Annie came back from being in the Russian prison and was pulled to work the missions with Eyal, Auggie was far from her heart. Annie felt gratitude, she owed him for standing by her while she declared a rogue operative and for masterminding her break-out from the Russian prison but she didn't have any romantic feelings left for Auggie. She had moved past him and had no room in her heart for anything or anyone. Auggie never knew she had developed feelings for him in the past anyway, it was easy to hide them from him. After Russia, Annie was still recovering from being shot, Lena's betrayal, the trauma of being in a Russian prison, and the loss of Simon. She realized that she loved Simon and part of her wished they had run off together, but theirs was a doomed affair from the beginning because it was built on deception.

Annie was pulled from her debrief post-imprisonment to work with Eyal, but was terribly used and betrayed by him. Things had gotten back to a relative "normal" with Eyal after they teamed up again to get Khalid Ansari. They never started as friends, that wasn't their baseline. They had an understanding, they used each other to complete their missions, they had each other's back fully when needed and now Eyal had proven himself to be loyal to her multiple times and she owed him so much. Eyal felt he owed Annie for the times she saved him, but he also felt guilt for using her and vowed to make up for what Rivka ordered him to do. He was never one to blindly take orders and he regretted doing some at Annie's expense. Over time, Annie and Eyal began to view each other as friends and she had earned Eyal's respect as a fellow operative, albeit for different agencies. She hoped she could help him in return and she did with hunting down Khalid and manipulating him. When that mission was finally over, the unexpected happened. Auggie came to her and while she was still mourning Simon, she needed someone and she trusted Auggie. There was no courtship or flirting, they had been friends for so long. So they went from 0 to 180 in no time at all. Maybe that was what doomed them.

When Annie returned from being gone after going dark and finally ending Henry Wilcox plans, she was in a dark and lonely place. Annie wanted to work as an escape from herself, her life, her medical condition, her losses, her pain. . . She didn't want to reunite with Auggie, she couldn't go back to where they were before she faked her death. Partially it was to protect him, but more than anything it was to protect herself. First, she was still hurt by him and he fell in love with the old Annie Walker. That Annie was dead. Who had she become? She wasn't even sure herself.

When Annie returned, she couldn't tell Auggie about her condition and if she were honest, she was still a little crushed that he slept with Helen while she went dark. She wanted to focus on her job and with the need to manage her medical issues, she had no time to be in a relationship. Eventually, she let her guard down after all the times Ryan showed her understanding, support, and admiration. She had developed feelings for Ryan. Then she felt burned when she saw the dog walker at his home and learned he was implicated in Chicago. Annie questioned all her instincts again when that happened, but something inside her couldn't believe McQuaid was guilty.

The bath water was getting cold, but Annie couldn't move. She drained down some of the water and added more hot water. Her body was sore and she was so tired. Her thoughts turned to Ryan again.

When she pulled her gun on him, he asked her to think about all the moments they shared since meeting. After she talked to McQuaid and let him leave her apartment her gut did tell her he was innocent not just because she wanted to believe it, but because she knew it. Why would he come to her if he were guilty? He really needed someone he could trust to help him and seeking her out meant he trusted her. She did what Ryan asked of her, she re-visited all the moments they shared in her head dozens of times before concluding that he really was being set up. Despite the short time they knew each other, they shared very intense experiences and he had saved her life. She knew he was a man of honor with a deep love of country, and a sense that he could accomplish so much through his company to keep Americans secure. Sure he was arrogant and secretive, but there was integrity there. He had many opportunities to hurt or derail her, but all he did was help her, there was no way he would be behind any of it. Annie began to think back to how she and the CIA came to conclude that McQuaid was a terrorist. She reviewed the evidence and the source of that evidence. In hindsight, it was all orchestrated. McQuaid knew there was a mole in his agency, he was right all along, he was just a few steps behind the mole.

Annie made a critical decision to join forces with McQuaid and that meant keeping Auggie in the dark. She spent little time feeling bad about it, she needed to do it and she didn't have time for a heart-to-heart with him, besides he still harbored resentment over what she had done to him in Paris, there was no way he would keep her choice quiet. Annie was what McQuaid needed to soldier on, she gave him the focus and strength he needed to move forward. They shared a very intimate moment in what was a very stressful time for both of them.

Annie smiled in the bath as she replayed making love to Ryan at his safe house. It was time to get out of the bath and go to bed. She planned on visiting McQuaid first thing in the morning before going into work.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Unbreak My Heart**

*Looked like Ryan was shot in the chest, maybe near the heart like Annie. I hoped during the scene where McQuaid and Annie got together that he would have noticed her scars. So here is a bit of that scenario . . .

Annie stopped by the hospital to see Ryan, not much had changed regarding his condition. He was still hooked up to heart and blood pressure monitors and a ventilator. She sat by his bed for a few minutes staring at him, gone was all the defiance, strength, and courage that emanated from him. Annie was apprehensive about touching Ryan, she didn't want to hurt him or cause any movement to the tubes or wires attached to him. Annie scooted her chair closer to the head of the bed to be close to McQuaid's face. She spoke softly to him about some of her reflections from the previous night.

"If you were awake, I know you'd get a lot of satisfaction out of what I'm about to say. . .you made me question my stance about not mixing business with pleasure," says Annie with quiet laughter. "You grew on me these last couple of weeks McQuaid, I'd like to see you enjoy knowing that, so you need to wake up. Please."

Annie pauses and thinks back to when she was shot and lying in the hospital much like McQuaid is currently. Eventually she regained consciousness. Afterwards she knew Auggie and Joan had visited her, but she remembered little except the muted sound of their voices. She didn't recall what was said to her, but she did remember feeling their presence and she hoped that Ryan knew she was there. She reaches her hand towards his left hand, the back of it has IV tubes and medical tape all over it. Annie puts her left palm under his hand so they are palm to palm. Still close to McQuaid's head, she rests her head next to him and keeps talking to him.

"Remember the scars on my chest the other night? You didn't say anything, but you ran your fingers across them more than once. You were curious, I could tell, but you restrained yourself from asking about them. You'll have some scars to add to your collection after you leave here, more battle wounds to show off, believe me, I know about scars, I have more than I care to have." Annie stops, she's had all these thoughts and memories swimming around in her head, but speaking about them aloud was a different matter.

Not knowing if Ryan hears her at all, Annie continues. "When we were in Paris, you pushed me about Simon. You were right, he meant something to me, he meant more than something I guess. It started out as a cover, a mission, but without even realizing it, I fell for him in spite of what I knew about him. It was a slow trip down the rabbit hole. Yeah, not something I'm proud of, I was on a mission and I fell in love with my target," Annie lets out a deep breath. "You know I've never talked about any of this with anyone and look at me now. I guess it's easy to talk knowing you won't have any smartass commentary."

Annie moves to stroke Ryan's hair. "You might be wondering how could I lose sight of my mission? I wondered that myself, in spite of knowing who Simon was and what he had done, I still came to love him and losing him broke my heart. I had loved and lost before, but it was different. No one ever died on me before and he died _because_ of me. . . to save me. I didn't deserve being saved. I deceived him, I manipulated him, I used him, I tried to bring him in, but he in the end, he_ still_ wanted to be with me. I can't say the same of anyone else I've been with before."

Annie continued, "Have you ever had someone love you so much, they are willing to give up their whole life for you? Simon was willing to give up his family, all his professional ties, his livelihood, his country, and the only life he knew for a life with me. Yeah, a life with me, can you believe it? For a brief moment, I followed my heart and started to pack, then I realized where my allegiance was. I couldn't leave my family, my agency, my colleagues, my country. . .Did it mean I didn't love him? I'm afraid Simon died believing I didn't love him enough to start a new life with him."

Annie stops to wipe away some tears. The weight of her guilt was still there, having admitted all her thoughts and feelings for the first time didn't suddenly lift the burdens she had been bearing. Annie starts to chuckle, "You know how many times I've been saved from going through a psych eval and therapy? If only the agency knew." Annie pauses some more to collect herself.

"I realized Simon and I were the same, both working towards our own version of greater good, both following orders, but both searching for love and acceptance. I hope he knew my choice to stay didn't mean I didn't love him. I wish I had one more chance to tell him that I loved him and I have my scars and the myocarditis as a constant reminder of what I lost. I know you've lost someone you cared deeply for so you must get it, what we would give to see or talk one last time to someone. So I'm here to say, don't you die on me Ryan. I don't know what we have, but I want to find out, so I need you to get better. I'm tired of regrets."

Annie saw Ryan's eyelids flutter. She thought she sensed some slight movements in his hand that was resting on hers. Annie is stunned and unable to believe what was happening. She squeezed his hand and excitedly kissed his forehead before pressing the call button for a nurse.

The nurse arrives to check on McQuaid's vitals. Annie explains that she felt his hand move and saw his eyes fluttering. The nurse pokes around, but there's no more new movements. She looks at Annie and says, "Sorry Ma'am, sometimes it's a reflex, there's no change."

Annie is disappointed. She thanks the nurse and says she'll be back after work. Before she leaves she whispers to Ryan, "Thanks for the therapy session. If you want to hear more of my secrets, you have to stick around McQuaid." She squeezes his hand and kisses his forehead before leaving for work.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Annie is on her way into Langley. Officially, she is no longer employed by the CIA, but she was invited back by Joan Campbell and Calder Michaels for debriefs in the aftermath of the attempted bombing and Caitlyn Cook's death at the hands of Aleksandre Belenko. Annie was willing to gain access to what the CIA had uncovered. Her gut tells her that what Belenko had in store was far from over. Their best bets are to track down Roger's contact in the Russian Embassy. The CIA knew the Russians had gathered intelligence on Borz Altan and surely would have intelligence on Aleksandre Belenko and perhaps Nathan Mueller too. But US-Russian relations hit a wall and Joan was iced out from her contacts at the Russian Embassy. It was now up to Calder to work his back channels to gather intel from the Russians. Calder welcomed an excuse to contact a certain high-end professional he had recently sworn off.

The CIA and NCTC were led astray with the evidence that McQuaid had used his Flint operatives to plan and execute Chicago. Another debacle after the Mueller droning. American intelligence branches needed to work on fact checking and not reacting. But, the DCI and Calder Micheals had moved on from their investigation into Mueller's droning and Auggie's involvement in covering up Annie's heart condition. Annie still wanted to find out how Mueller might have been connected. There seemed to be a larger sphere of people involve. It seemed that Auggie and Calder were back on the same page. The same could not be said of Auggie and Annie just yet.

As Annie drove to Langley she thought about how to handle Auggie when they met and they would surely meet at Langley. She was certain he got over his initial anger towards her because she was right. She may have trusted her heart, but sometimes your heart and your gut tell you the same thing. She hoped he would be able to understand why she kept him in the dark about McQuaid.

At McQuaid Securities, Arthur and Annie weren't sure who they could trust, who wasn't in on the conspiracy to frame McQuaid, was Caitlyn working with anyone else within the company? Arthur had become acting CEO. He was trying his best to maintain clients, regain the confidence of McQuaid Security's recently lost clients and win over a number of key contracts to help the business stay afloat. It was a good thing that the State Department felt indebted to McQuaid after one of their employees thwarted the attack, they seemed to overlook the fact that another one of their employees was pressed the detonator.

Arthur was still vetting a few of the guys Annie knew from her operations in the field with Ryan. They had Jim, Dex and Fitz on the list and were reviewing their bank, phone, email, and various records. The few Arthur had cleared were digging deep into Caitlyn Cook and Aleksandre Belenko. They were working nonstop and using all their Russian and Georgian assets to unearth intel. They found a link between Belenko and Istanbul, he had many calls made to different numbers in Turkey, none used more than once. The group also found Allen Langer had traveled to Turkey recently. They were examining all the Flint operatives and all of Cook's files to find connections. How much did Cook know about Flint? She wasn't around to question and McQuaid could not provide answers. The CIA had already swept Caitlyn's home so they didn't have access to what was found, but Arthur was going to work on Joan to see if she would share their intel. Everyone is on all cylinders pouring through the evidence with new lenses they were trying to learn how long Cook had been working with Belenko and how she was turned.

During the rest of the drive from the hospital to Langley, Annie's thoughts turned to Ryan again after thinking about what she knew regarding Cook and Belenko. The moment she met McQuaid he had been trying to figure her out and get her to trust him, at first she questioned his motives not wanting to accept that he was attracted to her and interested in a deeper relationship. . She replayed his conversation with her in Paris after he saved her from Kravec and in Azerbaijan after they took down Mueller. She spent many months alone with no one to talk to or count on, her family still thought she was dead. Eyal had told her that it was sad for her to say being a spy was all that mattered. Those words stayed with her too. The moments she shared with Ryan had introduced some light back into her life. Then that light was snuffed when she thought McQuaid was hiding something, they very quickly got back to a place of mutual trust in the face of insurmountable obstacles. Annie helped Ryan unconditionally and at a great cost to her career, but then the rug was pulled out from under her when she learned Ryan was shot. Annie just couldn't catch a break from the roller coaster ride.

For Annie, watching Ryan hooked up to all the machines and unsure whether he would pull through or not brought back the feelings of loss and abandonment she felt most of her life. Ben, Jai, Simon, Teo, Auggie, Danielle, and now Ryan. Most people would have had a mental breakdown by now. Earlier, she was so hopeful that he was waking up, but then nothing. She needed to protect herself, protect her heart from another hit. She couldn't just sit by the hospital bed watching him. She figured whether he lived or died was not in her control. She went back to the mission and what she could control. Regardless of whether he recovered or not Annie felt he deserved to have his name fully cleared. McQuaid was always an honorable man, she regretted ever doubting him and distrusting her instincts. She was determined to fully exonerate McQuaid of all accusations and provide clear evidence that Caitlyn Cook was behind framing McQuaid.

Over at Langley, some details emerged about Caitlyn's involvement with Belenko. She had known him during her college years as Belenko studied in the States as the son of a Georgian diplomat. Georgian-US relations had always been collaborative in nature, we were allies for the Iraq and Afghanistan wars and remain strong allies. Theories on Belenko's motives were multifaceted, perhaps he wanted to derail Russian-US relations in hopes that the US would back rebels in his country. In many ways the Russian-US relations were already deteriorating to near Cold War levels over a variety of human rights and sovereignty issues. Maybe they wanted it to appear as if jihadists were behind the attacks to draw attention away from the real culprits. That is where Khalid Ansari came in as a diversion, he had a history of funding terrorists abroad that made him an easy patsy. They were looking at all the angles this time and trying not to jump to conclusions. Joan and Calder knew heads might roll after everything settled down. There would be more investigations into their division. Joan feared how deep they would dig.

All Belenko's plans were laid out and he had spent many years planning his attacks and cultivating assets, there was no turning back. He had a huge web of people involved. But, it was in a split second that he decided Caitlyn Cook was expendable. After the failed motorcade bombing, he knew it was only a matter of time before the CIA figured out Caitlyn's hand in everything and dragged her in for questioning. He was about to shoot Annie Walker, but then Caitlin looked at him and said, "You'll never stop us," he didn't have time to shoot Walker as well before she pulled her gun on him and the authorities arrived. Belenko felt no remorse for using Caitlyn.

Caitlyn was a good friend of Kelly McQuaid's. In fact, she was her best friend, but she spent years pining away for Ryan McQuaid after he was widowed, a chance meeting reunited her with her former classmate, Aleksandre Belenko and they became occasional lovers when they were in the same city. She hid her new relationship with McQuaid, part of her still held out hope that one day he would get over the Kelly's death. Cultivating Caitlyn as an asset was all part of Belenko's plans. He uses her connections at McQuaid Security over the last couple of years and her bitterness over her unrequited love to turn her. Belenko was keen in his observations and knew what to say to convince Caitlyn to frame her friend and boss of many years. At first Caitlyn was reluctant, but seeing Ryan's infatuation with Annie, someone he only just met steeled her and thus sealed Ryan's fate and the fate of his company. Caitlyn no longer cared about McQuaid or McQuaid Security.

Belenko was nothing but thorough, he was tasked to be by the mastermind behind the attacks. Were the attack personal or did they have greater purpose, were there were political statements to be made. Soon someone would uncover a more personal motive, Belenko's boss had old business with Arthur and Joan Campbell that could only be resolved if he inflicted the maximum amount of pain on their family and associates. His hatred for the pair dated back many years. He had been planning his revenge for what seemed like a lifetime.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When Annie arrives at the DPD she is issued a guest pass and cleared to enter. She goes straight to Joan's desk glad to avoid Auggie for a bit longer. Joan sees her coming and puts her papers down.

"Annie, thanks for coming in. Your work with McQuaid. . . and analysis of the evidence. . . it saved Arthurs's life and that of countless key players in our military. I can't thank you enough. I only wish you felt free to share your op with me, that's not a criticism of you, I know I didn't give you reason to believe I would be supportive and I am sorry for that."

"Joan, I was doing what I was trained by this agency to do and again, it is what I am good at, it's what makes me tick Joan. Where we last left things before I resigned gave me no choice, but to do what I did. I couldn't see things playing out any other way but the agency putting on bureaucratic blinders."

"By the agency you mean me. Annie, we've been through a lot together and maybe I have not said it before, but I owe you a lot and I haven't had your back. I am deeply sorry for that. I know things between us are. . . not what I want them to be, I'm not good at this, but I do want us to work on repairing our relationship both professionally and personally. That said, Calder and I are lifting your suspension and clearing your record of all wrongdoing in deceiving the agency about your medical condition. We are putting you back on the investigation into Chicago and the motorcade bombing."

Annie looks at Joan and says, "Does that mean I will be unchained from a desk?"

"No, it means you have a place here, you have a role in helping us drill down the real motives and culprits behind Chicago and today's motorcade bombing. With your intimate knowledge of the players we will find out who is responsible and bring them to justice. We can't risk losing you by putting you in the field, but you will work intimately with those we task with gathering intel on the ground."

"Thanks Joan, but those aren't terms I can accept. I'm going to stay at McQuaid Security where I am a valued and supported as a field operative. I need to do this for myself and for McQuaid. I've come too far, given up too much to give up now."

Joan looks incredulous at Annie. "For McQuaid? What are you not telling me? Annie, your health is important to us, the agency, Auggie, Calder and me. You have to take that into account. You are an excellent operative, but not if you are hurt or dead. We need your know how, there are still ways to serve and it's not any less relevant inside the confines of this building. I am telling you that as a mentor and as a friend."

"I appreciate that Joan, but I swore an oath and I put my country above my life. I belong in the field. . . at least until this is truly over. I'll take my chances. I've got nothing to lose anyway."

"Annie, you still haven't met Mac and I want you to. Come to dinner this week and we can look at next steps together. You once felt, there was no together, I want to change that."

"Unless it involves me going to track down Belenko and any known contacts of his, I can't. I can't sit at a desk and do nothing. I have a mission. Thank you Joan."

"We don't have enough to go on yet and based on our mistakes the last week, we need to have irrefutable evidence on Belenko before we hunt them down."

Annie is already out half way out of Joan's area, "Another reason, I no longer work for the CIA. I can't sit on my ass and do nothing." Joan stares at Annie as she walks away. She is moved by Annie's devotion to her work, but also very worried for her. Did Joan's failure as a mentor make Annie that way? One would argue she was given Annie's single-minded determination, but Joan cared about Annie and hoped she expressed that adequately, she didn't want to see Annie hurt anymore than she was. But Joan came to the conclusion that any physical damage could not surpass the damage that had been done to Annie's heart emotionally.

Right after Annie was out of view, Joan picked up the phone to call Arthur. She wanted to find out how Annie was going to run down Belenko and offer any support she could. She felt it was the least she could do after all that Annie had done.

Meanwhile Calder and Auggie have an encounter.

Calder to Auggie, "Look man, I know why you risked so much to help Annie, I risked as much last year, I get it and I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. Sometimes I let the pressures of answering to the higher ups get me. We all have to do what we do even if it means breaking the rules. The thing is sometimes hindsight is what helps us see the light."

Auggie smirks, "Thanks for the apology. I'm glad we're on the same side Calder. I know this job isn't where your talents are best used. As much as you wanted to move up and make it big, you like Annie belong in the field."

Calder walks away, "Yeah, after this Belenko business that's just my plan. I just need to work it so Joan gets what she deserves when I go."

Auggie, looks down and nods "So I called it man," he reaches out his hand to shake Calder.

Calder, "You're not getting rid of me so fast, we still have a lot of work ahead of us, let's go smoke 'em out Anderson!"

Auggie, "Yes, sir!"

Calder, "Oh, keep on Annie, Joan filled me in, she's sticking with McQuaid Security so she can be right up on Belenko's ass. Whatever went down between the two of you, I need you to put that aside, kiss and make-up, find out what she's doing."

Auggie, "Guess I'm not surprised, the way the agency has come down on her despite her sacrifices. So, we're spying on her now?"

Calder, "Auggie, we are spies and spies are good at spying on each other, but I prefer to think of it as working our intel together."

Auggie, "Except she doesn't know it. Ok, I'll reach out to her."


	11. Chapter 11: Friendship Disabled

Chapter 11:

Annie and Auggie still have yet to discuss the recent events that left their relationship in limbo. Auggie knows his gut was right in believing in Annie and tipping her off to Hayley's arrest warrant, but he wished she trusted him enough to tell him the truth. He doesn't get how or why they arrived at the current state. What caused such an enormous rift in their relationship or was it just impossible to be transparent? Annie had blatantly lied to him numerous times.

Auggie knows that he has uttered his share of lies and lies by omissions to Annie and other people in his life, but somehow this was different. It was Annie. His Annie and he thought after all they had been through it was different between them. Though he knew in his head she had justifiable reasons, he still wished in his heart that she had trusted him enough to read him in on everything. All he could think was that it started from the time she went dark to bring down Henry Wilcox. Things were never the same between them from the time Annie decided to take herself off the grid. They had worked through his lies about Teo and Arthur and not telling her he was married on a mission.

But then, she disappeared after killing Henry. He was expecting her and waited with worry for days and tasked Eric Barber with helping him comb through security footage of all the possible places she could have landed in the South China Seas. He looked at all her known aliases. After about two weeks and a lot of searching in his spare time, he realized the only way she disappeared without a trace was if she wanted to. So the worry turned to anger to acceptance.

Now he wondered, was Annie protecting him like she said or herself? And the hell did McQuaid earn her trust and her heart. He knew Annie and her fierce devotion to those she cared about. He could tell she cared for McQuaid. For her to risk her career and put all her effort into helping him meant something. Auggie wasn't sure he wanted to accept that while she said she didn't want any emotional attachments she had found herself one. Maybe she just meant him and it stung.

Auggie had been too blind to admit to himself that he hurt Annie by sleeping with Helen. And perhaps Annie herself didn't realize it, but those hurt feelings among a stack of others she picked up over the years at the CIA were what drove her to keep emotional distance from Auggie and anyone else who tried to get close to her until Ryan came along.

Annie goes to see Auggie after her awkward conversation with Joan. As a show of truce and trust, she hands him over the copy of Crime and Punishment that Roger had sent to her. She could hve taken it to McQuaid Security to have it worked up over there, but Annie still doesn't know who to trust fully there and she does trust Auggie despite her recent actions. As Annie hands him the book, she says, "I know we need to have a long talk and we will when this is all over. Thank you for sticking your neck out for me. I've not forgotten and I do owe you explanations. I never meant to put you at risk, that part you need to know."

"Walker, your instincts are what's kept you in the game this long. As your handler, I have to present you with all the intel. I have eyes on and all the angles I see. You're the one in the field with the contacts and assets. You did what you had to do."

"Really? Because you seemed pretty pissed the other day."

"I'm a big boy, I can put aside my personal feelings. You choose the mission and I have to respect that Annie. What you did saved lives."

Annie thinks is this his way of saying he's sorry that he didn't trust her instincts on McQuaid when she told him that he came clean to hear about Flint. She wasn't expecting him to be so understanding based on their last heated conversation.

"I'll see what the team can make of the book after a thorough examination of the pages, binding, and cover. So, have you talked to Joan or Calder yet?"

"Just left Joan's desk. She wanted me to come back to the DPD, but I couldn't accept the terms. Listen Auggie, I am giving you the book, but I need you to pass along anything you find. I haven't given you much reason to keep helping me, but I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to," says Annie with a hushed voice.

Auggie takes the opportunity to grab something from his desk, "Here take this, it's an encrypted phone with a disabled GPS locator. I'll call you if I find anything."

"Disabled? Why?" Annie is dubious and looks at Auggie intently. He can't see it, but he can feel it. He doesn't answer her, just shrugs. She touches his elbow, and says, "Thank you." Annie knows Auggie is lying her her, but lets it go. Annie leans in and hugs him, he loves feeling her in this way, her whole upper body pressed against his, the smell of her hair, her chin resting on his shoulder, it's all familiar and welcomed. He finally hugs her back and whispers, "Be careful Walker."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 : Hello and Goodbye

Annie spent the last day learning all about Belenko, his contacts, his movements, and his finances. He's back in Georgia, but Annie has intel connecting him to Turkey. Before she leaves the country to follow her first solid lead, Annie heads to the hospital to visit Ryan.

While Annie is en route to the hospital, Arthur is in Ryan's hospital room. Ryan had regained consciousness earlier that day and his prognosis was good. He was moved from critical to stable condition. Before Annie arrives at the hospital room, Arthur briefed Ryan on the motorcade bomb and explosion, Annie's part in stopping the blast from killing any members of the treaty signing, and Caitlyn's murder by Belenko.

McQuaid is angry that missed all the signs. Turns out the mole at McQuaid was right in front of him, his second in command. "Arthur, Caitlyn had been pushing the Georgian delegation security detail and gave them the gold glove service. Now I get why she was spending so much time on it. Damn it, how could I have not seen it?"

"Give yourself a break, I didn't sense anything either. She was good."

"But you didn't know her for half your life. You think you know someone."

"In this life, we have to be careful who we trust and not all of your friendship with her was a lie, try to remember that and move on."

"How's Annie? How much heat is she getting because of me?"

Ryan thinks she was partially the reason his eye was off the ball. He was preoccupied falling for Annie, keeping her safe through surveillance in addition to searching for the mole. Arthur tells him that Belenko was recalled to Georgia and they had been following his movements and his accounts.

"Annie's managed to steer clear of any reprimands, in fact, she is being lauded for figuring out where the bomb was placed. Saved my life again you know. Annie is going to follow down leads on Belenko. He has received and made numerous phone calls to Turkey and Saudi Arabia. His country's debriefs are keeping him in Georgia for the time being. Annie is going to tail him in Georgia and see if she can gather any new intel from the ground."

McQuaid , "Get Joan to put another operative on it Arthur, I don't want Annie to keep fighting my battle, I shouldn't have dragged her into any of it." Ryan tells Arthur about Annie's episodes in the field. Arthur sighs and says, "She's the epitome of stubborn and it's not your battle alone. She is out for justice, justice for the 12 comrades the CIA lost, she won't back off and well, Joan and I have an understanding that we stay out of each other's way when it comes to our jobs, you will soon learn that is the way to maintaining a harmonious relationship with someone whose work overlaps with yours."

McQuaid, "It's her life, and she's stubborn, but she will listen to you."

"Just worry about getting healthy and coming back to run his company, Annie can take care of herself."

"I can't not worry about her."

"You and Annie, I can't say I'm not surprised. You're cut from the same cloth you know."

Ryan says, "You make it sound incestuous."

Arthur, "Annie's an asset, a great girl, a talented operative who has given her all time and time again. I admit there were times when I doubted her, but I learned my lesson while she earned my gratitude and complete trust. All these qualities describe you too. You make a great team and you know what, you harken back to memories of my courtship with Joan." Arthur chuckles.

"I care about her a lot, . . . "

Arthur, "I hear a 'but' coming."

This is where Annie has arrived and walks close enough to the room to pause outside. She had a huge smile walking down the corridor because she heard Ryan was awake and talking. She had hydrangeas with her, the same flowers McQuaid sent her to signal a meet. As she gets closer to the room she hears, Ryan say to Arthur, "I don't know if I can bear to lose another woman I care about. You didn't see me those first years after Kelly died. I was a mess. Then I found my focus, the company became my baby and I can't say I haven't enjoyed the adventure though it has been lonely at times. Meeting Annie was unexpected and falling for her was definitely a curve ball."

Annie leans back against the wall just outside Ryan's room, contemplating whether to go in or not. She decides she will go in.

She knocks and puts on her smile and says, "I heard someone is ready to get back in the game."

McQuaid has the biggest smile on his face. "I was wondering when I'd see you, instead I've had to put up with this guy."

Arthur sees Annie and gives her a kiss and says, "I'll leave you two alone. I briefed Ryan already on the last two days. I'll see you back at the office." Annie says, "I'm not heading back there, a plane is waiting or me." McQuaid sighs and winces. He says, "Where are you going? I need some looking after and I was hoping you could help a wounded man out."

Annie goes to the bed, gives Ryan a kiss and sits down on his bed, "Ryan, I have helped you and I am going to be helping on my mission. I'm going to make Belenko pay for Caitlyn, for using you, for Chicago and the motorcade bombing and whatever else he and his cadre of terrorists have planned."

McQuaid with a tired voice, "Annie, don't do this. You've done so much already. It's time you set this aside for someone else to see through. There are other operatives out there who can do the job."

Annie, "The problem is we don't know who we can fully trust at McQuaid Security and the CIA is sitting on their asses analyzing their data. You need to get better, that's your mission, get better and get back to work, and then you need to clean house."

Ryan, "The CIA is letting you go? Are they sending someone with you?" Ryan has not reviewed footage or movement reports on Annie since Caitlyn threw him under the bus. He has no idea she has not gone back to the CIA and still effectively works for him.

"I'm not going as a CIA Operative, have you forgotten? I still work for you. CIA thinks it's too political now for an approach in Georgia, in the aftermath of the lack of vetting on the Mueller intel from Kravec, and not drilling deeper into Roger Benenet's intel, and jumping to conclusions about your involvement. Langley is playing it safe and reviewing all their protocols. It's driving Calder crazy. It will be another week or so before they decide what to do with the evidence and my gut says we don't have another week and you know how good my instincts are," says Annie with a smile.

McQuaid winces a bit as he shifts, "Really? Then as your boss, I'm taking you off the task, you are off this mission and don't have permission to go."

Annie's smile disappears. She is irritated, sighs and with a a bit of harshness responds, "Permission? So, it starts here."

"What starts?"

Annie gets up from the bed to distance herself physically from McQuaid.

"McQuaid, you just showed, you can't separate your emotions from the work. And this is an example of why I don't want to mix business with pleasure. I know you believe we can have it all, but we can't, at least we can't without complications."

He notes that she went from calling him Ryan to McQuaid, a sign she's drawn a line. . . again. He counters with using her surname too to show her this isn't personal.

"Walker, you're no robot. Emotions are always at play. The reason I don't want you to go has nothing to do with what is between us. I have no regrets and I don't want any when it comes to you. The CIA is right, we don't know enough about Belenko yet. He knows you are onto him. You are at a tactical disadvantage going there alone and without back up."

Annie retorts, "Now you're talking about my medical condition? Something you said was none of my employer's in the past. But now that you're the employer, you suddenly want to use it to sideline me? In case you forgot, I helped you figure things out with Caitlyn. You know what? You're right, I am at a disadvantage. My head can't be in the game if I have you in my head. Just because we made love that night doesn't mean you now get to control me or my missions."

Annie grabs her purse and starts for the door.

"What the hell Annie? When have I ever let my feelings for you or your heart condition change how I treat you in the field?"

And some machines start beeping. Annie stops and looks concerned.

"Where's the call button, why isn't anyone coming to check on you? Look, just calm down, this isn't the time, I'm sorry for getting you worked up, let me go find some help."

Ryan goes on pointedly, "I known you care about me, you put a lot on the line to help me. I care about you and don't want to see you hurt, I told you I lost my wife and it was hell, I don't want to lose you. I know you've lost people you loved too, but coping by isolating yourself isn't the solution. Believing you don't deserve an ounce of happiness isn't the answer either. Don't say you regret what happened between us because I don't. I don't want you to go, I want you to be here with me AND tactically, it's not the right time."

Annie can feel the heat rising in her body, but she didn't want to argue, the machines were going crazy and she was concerned for Ryan, but she had wired herself to guard her heart. She told herself she was also protecting him from being hurt. She had to face the fact that people around her get physically and emotionally hurt. She was tired of letting people down and being the common denominator. Annie's fatalistic outlook caused her to believe that her relationships would end tragically. It was hard to say whether her love of her job started first or if all the compounding events led her to use her job as a coping mechanism for avoiding emotional pain. Here she was though at another impasse. She had to choose between the field and a relationship.

As unpredictable as the field could be, she felt more ready to handle whatever came her way in the field than what could result from being with another person again. A small part of her wanted to be open and allow someone in her life, but she felt if she ever allowed someone to see her, all of her, it wouldn't be pretty. She didn't even want to go there and had avoided the dark parts of herself for so long. Before Ryan came along she accepted that she wasn't going to have it all. She was young and naïve when she allowed herself to believe she could do her job effectively and be a sister, girlfriend, aunt, or even a friend. Although Ryan was not like the other men she cared for and their relationship was not like any of her others, she did not allow herself to hope for a future. There was an honesty they shared that was refreshing, but she just couldn't let things progress at this point.

A nurse enters and says, "What's going on here?" She checks the machines which have stopped beeping. "Everything looks fine, but Mr. McQuaid needs his rest, visiting hours are over for now. He still needs to rest."

McQuaid flashes a smile, "How about 5 more minutes?" The nurse relents, "Okay 5 more minutes, but then OUT and no more visitors today."

Annie softens, takes a deep breath and finally says, "Ryan, I can't get into this now. I have a mission to focus on and you above all know, it's what I am wired for. You're the one who called me a shark. I need to have my head in the game and that can't happen if my heart is off somewhere else. It's what's kept me alive up until now."

"Annie, there's nothing wrong with self-preservation. I get it. I've spent the last ten years alone and mourning. I did what you did after initially wallowing in my grief. I poured myself into my work, my company, acquiring fast cars, I became an adrenalin junkie and chased dangerous missions for the fun of it. I enjoyed being scared, hunting, and not knowing what was going to come next. I understand you. I do. I didn't want to feel the pain of loss again. Not until I met you Annie. As much as I don't want you to, I won't stop you. But promise me you won't go into any situation alone and promise me you'll have plenty of medication on you."

Annie has tears in her eyes and nods to Ryan's request. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm glad you going to be fine. Don't worry about me and don't forget what I said about cleaning house." Annie leans down and kisses Ryan while putting her hands on his cheek. Ryan with some trouble brings his hand to her hand, he can't move to kiss her lips, but instead he kisses the palm of her hand and says, "Thank you again for trusting me and believing in me. Go get that son of a bitch. I want mission briefs at 0-700 hours and 1400 hours. Don't skip your call-ins or I'll come after you myself."

Annie smiles and leaves. "I'll set up a protocol with Arthur from the road, don't worry about me. Just worry about yourself."

Annie stops outside the hospital room to compose herself before heading to the airstrip. She is on a mission.

Ryan, takes a few deep breaths and wishes he weren't stuck in the hospital, damn that woman Caitlyn, he didn't expect she would shoot him, he was ready to take her in that bathroom, but he hesitated because of his friendship with her. Again, he underestimated her cunning and coldness. He wanted more than anything to board that plane with Annie and be in the field with her. She was right, he needed to get back to work and vet all his people. He wanted to send someone to keep an eye on


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Arrival**

Annie has a plan for back-up, but she kept that tidbit to herself. His availability wasn't confirmed yet. She had plenty of nitrate injections in her bag. Since her medical condition was now out in the open, she was able to see a cardiologist without pretense and stopped paying out of pocket for the expensive drugs. Annie contacts Eyal on a secure board they set up.

"Are you up to no good or are you free to play? Heading out of country, could use a hand."

It didn't take long for Eyal to respond. They agreed on a meeting spot and a cover. They were a reporter and photographer covering the refugees fleeing to Turkey from various points along their border. She also asked if he had any Mossad files on Borz, Mueller, and Belenko.

Annie told Auggie she was going to Georgia, but really she was heading to Istanbul.

Auggie had gotten wind of Annie's mission. He had placed a tracker on the phone he gave her, but Annie conveniently left it behind at her desk at McQuaid security. She knew Auggie like the back of her hand. He wasn't a good liar. He stopped being a good liar the second he stopped being an operative. Lying, being other than who he was, wasn't in his blood to begin with. Annie was good at it, she had few tells. She was good at it because she lied to herself and those around her for most of her life. It was a matter of self-preservation. No the moves aren't painful, no it's not hard to leave friends she just made, sure it's easy to make new friends, no it's not hard to get to know new teachers and their expectations and so on.

Annie couldn't sleep on the long plane ride to Turkey. Her mind went from Ryan to working a plan to Caitlyn to trying to figure out the little evidence before her. She was not sure what the motive was, were the Generals in the car the target? What the point to derail the peace talks or was that not even part of the equation. Something didn't quite add up.

Eyal arrives in Istanbul a few hours ahead of Annie and has already acquired a safe house, proper papers for the two, a car, a cache of weapons and surveillance equipment. The two are reunited, "Looking good, looking like a woman who has someone special to think about. How've you been Neshama?" Eyal, always knew and kept up with what was going on in Annie's life. "How did you know?"

"I keep up with you, well Mossad keeps up with you, so I keep up with you. Rivka made sure of it after our last encounter. That business with Caitlyn Cook and McQuaid, you got lucky, one of these days your nine lives are going to be done. How's your health, need Dr. Lavin to take a listen?"

"I'm good, you just want to get me to take my shirt off, but really, you know me, like a cat, I always land on my feet."

"How is your boyfriend or shall I say boss?"

"I don't know, but last I heard, stable and he's not my boyfriend."

"Ah, I struck a chord."

"I helped him out when he was in trouble, would have done the same and have done the same for you and it doesn't make you my boyfriend."

"And that fact pains me Neshema."

Annie smiles and changes the subject, "So what have you found out?"

"Our target is at Ciragan Palace Kempinski Hotel, has a suite."

"What's the plan?"

"The plan is I get myself a meeting with Belenko, try to smoke him out, make him and his partners nervous. Men do stupid things when they feel cornered you know."

"I wouldn't know. I never do anything stupid."

Annie smiles at her friend as she fills him in on her plan.


	14. Chapter 14 : Secrets

**Still trying to close up this story, I think I figured out a way to do it, but doesn't look good for Joan/Arthur. I think Arthur is going to die by the end of season 5 based on Peter Gallagher taking a new gig. Really hope there is a new season.**

**Chapter 14: Secrets **

Roger's contact at the Russian Embassy did manage to get Roger the intel on Borz Altan. Roger realized like Annie did that morning at Ryan's that there was validity in his paranoia, he was being followed, so he had the real intel stashed elsewhere and knew the ramifications of his findings. He was in danger from more than just one party. Roger's spycraft was still sharp despite the mental illness that debilitated other parts of his brain, he acted as a decoy to mislead those following him and it worked for a brief time. He was killed by Allan Langer who was working for Caitlyn and Belenko, but no one suspected that he got his hands on intel from the Russian Embassy. Turns out Annie's faith in Roger and McQuaid's 100,000 yielded results. Auggie was going to make sure the agency knew about their efforts. Both Annie and McQuaid needed all extra props they could get right now.

Auggie decoded a message hidden in the book that Roger left for Annie. The message helped the CIA locate Bennett's intel. Auggie sent an agent to retrieve Roger's original briefcase and combed over the intel. Auggie was physically and emotionally exhausted after he analyzed the information. He couldn't believe what he had uncovered. He had been worried for Annie, but now he was also worried for Joan. Auggie went straight to Joan with the intel.

"I need to see Joan"

"She's on the phone now, I'll see if she is available once she gets off and I"ll give you a call," says Joan's assistant.

"I'll wait here, this is critical to a current op, so I appreciate getting put on the top of her list," says Auggie.

Auggie has a lot of questions and isn't sure how to break the news to Joan, he spent the time he was waiting rehearsing his approach. Joan was in a great place now. She and Arthur were happy, she was a new mom, her career was stalled a bit, but this news if used by her detractors could tank her career.

After five minutes pass, Joan opens the door and invites Auggie in. "What have you found?"

"There's no easy way to give you the intel, I'll let the files speak for themselves." He held out the files to Joan and she took him from him.

If Auggie could see, he would have seen Joan's face turn ashen. She fell into her chair making a louder noise than expected. "Sorry, I should have prefaced that by telling you to have a seat."

Auggie only heard the sound of Joan's breathing, she is in shock and trying to make sense of the intel and how it relates to the recent events.

"If this is true, if the catalyst for all of this is the CIA's involvement in the conflict in the Balkans, the goal is to target the CIA operatives and higher ups who ran the missions from the ground and from D.C."

Auggie responds, "Joan, I know the CIA has done many questionable things in the name of freedom, democracy, the greater good, but did we really do what the files claim? Did we fabricate war crimes to incite fear and conflict for the sake of oil and access to the region?"

"There weren't entirely fabrications, the war crimes existed over the entire span of time the region was warring, but we might have exaggerated them and assigned more blame to one side than another. But the crimes did occur, mass executions, ethnic cleansing, genocide, rape, all sides during the conflict in the Balkans committed terrible and unspeakable deeds."

"Yes and we used them to our advantage, you were right in the middle of it Joan, you taught them, trained them, ran the op. Then participated in a media campaign to pin crimes on Serbian generals when all parties participated in horrendous acts. How is it Americans have freedom of press and we go into another nation and control their press and news outlets to incite hatred and spread rumors?"

"The CIA took advantage of a volatile period in the region's history, yes, it's true. The region was already unstable. The Yugoslavia of the time needed to be disbanded, they were about to implode and we needed to make sure the NATO countries came out as the major influence in the region and not Russia. I am not justifying or condoning it, but it provided for a safer and more stable Eastern Europe."

"Yeah that and wealth of resources for us along with a strategic military base. God damn it. Joan we ignored the crimes of one side while publicizing the crimes of the other. Now do you really think that wouldn't come back to bite us in the ass?"

"It was a very different era Auggie, you can't judge it through the lens of today. We were on the heels of the end of the cold war, but old feelings and ways of operating couldn't just dissolve overnight. I followed orders. At the time, I didn't know how my small piece of the plan impacted the bigger picture."

"Can you honestly say everything you did and saw in Iraq was black and white?" asks Joan.

"Joan, is there any more to this? Some of the stuff in the file is from over twenty years ago. Why choose to target the CIA now?"

"Honestly, Auggie I don't know other than where revenge is the goal, people have long memories."

"How did Belenko who is an Georgian Orthodox Christian with sympathies to the Serbians hook up with the Altans from the Ukraine?"

"It wasn't and isn't so black and white. All the states in Yugoslavia had shared histories and religion was just one factor. Many times the Orthodox Christians, Catholics and Muslims worked alongside each other to fight oppression of central government. Muslims had shared descendants with Serbian Orthodox Christians. Belenko could be related to the Altans by bloodlines or by history despite their different religions."

"We need to ascertain the connection to a wealthy Saudi like Ansari too"

"Find me a clear connection. Was Belenko ever living in any of the states of former Yugoslavia? Who were his parents, his grandparents, any wife, lovers, children? Did he travel to Saudi?"

"I'm on it already Joan. And you probably know that Annie is following it down in her own way. She didn't take the phone I gave her with a tracking device, I have no idea her location and can't get this intel to her, but she needs to be read in. She's walking into something dangerous, you know her Joan. I say we loop in Arthur because she's still working as a McQuaid employee and he just might know how to reach her."

Joan nodded as Auggie left.

When she was alone she thought about Auggie's question. "Is there any more to this?" There was a whole lot more. Joan was always guarded around Annie yet concerned and with good reason. She had treated Annie like a disobedient child at times only in an attempt to save her from the mistakes she had made in her younger years. Annie always reminded her of herself, an operative with great instincts, drive to get the mission done at all costs even at personal risk, and one who wasn't afraid to disobey orders for the greater mission at hand. But Annie's greatest downfall was her tendency to get emotionally attached to her assets and to her missions. Joan was so emotionally detached now because she had learned from her mistakes. Keeping those mistakes a secret was not going to be easy.


End file.
